Diving into Depths

Goddess X gave me a very deep trance today and left some presents for me to use while I'm in Mexico.

She greeted me in a nice exercise suit and we chatted for about 30 minutes about blogs, past sessions, therapeutic approaches to hypnosis, and definitions of hypnosis. We then chatted about a vacation I am about to have at a beachside Mexican resort. She inquired what my plans were, what my family might likely do, and if there was likely to be any romance involved. This lead to some general discussion about the nature of my relationship with my wife.

She triggered me on the chair but quickly transferred me to be face up on the massage table. She darkened the room and sat by my head where she could softly whisper in her sultry voice and take me deep.

Today the goal seemed to be to take me as deep as possible, past the point of physical responsiveness. She took her time and paced me well and delivered messages of letting go even more, going even deeper, relaxing, focusing on her voice, etc. She would vary the timing and voice tones and I’d waver between mini-dreams and focus on her. She did have me surrender and submit, but did not make a big deal out of it or use the surrender directly.

She encouraged me to feel disconnected from my body and almost immediately I did get that deep trance sign of losing track of my body parts – not feeling my hands, feet, or anything below the head. She also had me envision my body disintegrating and me just floating in awareness circling where it had been.

I probably started to snore a time or so and may have ceased breathing for some bits (like with sleep apnea) and disruptions in my breathing did bring me up a few times.

She told me that for the next few days whenever I hear the word "gracias" I'll remember the trance feeling I was having right then. She also gave suggestions encouraging general playfulness while away.

At one point toward the end she told me that I could not move and instantly it became true, I could not even wiggle a finger or toe, it was as if I was wrapped tightly in a painless and exactly fitting cocoon.

She woke me up in layers, having me raise a level then another. At first I was not sure if we were heading toward a wakeup or toward some other interaction but the raising in layers continued until she awakened me fully.

1 Comments:

 Anonymous said...

DT;

You know, everyone is very polite in Mexico. Chances are you will be hearing the word "gracias" all day and every day especially if you are a good tipper ; ) You might want to think about making sure that trigger is not traveling with you to the beach side resort. : )!

Paul

6/22/2005 5:10 AM  

Goddess B's Simple Solution

I think Goddess B may have found a style that will work well for both of us for awhile. She likes being able to tell somebody what to do (she does not get enough of this and needs practice being assertive) and loves controlling me while I am deep, but I get deepest with her after some massage and session time and by then I'm undressed and this places limits on what she can have me do without exceeding her comfort level. She came up with a simple and effective solution – a wrap around towel thing (with Velcro) to use in mid-session when she wants me moving about.

She tranced me at the door and directed me to the massage room where she instructed me to undress and get on the table under the sheet and call her when I was ready (with the usual instructions that with each item removed I'd go deeper). She then started her usual massage routine (which initially focuses on the upper back) and her hypnotic murmuring to relax, let to, surrender, take care of myself, go deeper, feel her touches, etc and gradually introducing more of the wanting to do anything she asks and wanting to please "Goddess B" (she refers to herself in the third person in these murmurs). So soon I'm drifting away.

"In a moment I am going to give you a command, and when I do you will stand up, walk to the paper shredder, pick up what is on it, wrap it around you and then I'll tell you what to do. Sleepwalk 123." In hindsight, this instruction is notably missing the usual "cover yourself with the sheet". Of course I did exactly as instructed, first getting up, then looking around and thinking something like "She has a paper shredder? Where? Oh, there!" going over and finding the towel wrap thing and putting it on. I'm not sure what she was doing, but massage people have a thing around turnover time where they pick up the sheet in a way that it forms a wall between them and you and she might have been doing this.

Once I had it on I just waited for the next thing and she had me go over to a small desk area, unfold a chair and sit down. She then told me she wanted to record a recipe and I was to write it down. (What is it with my Mistresses and writing? They are all trying it and this shows the communications they have, but I'd think they would also by now discover and communicate that it is illegible.) So without question I recorded the instructions for some sort of Hawaiian salad. My mind was pretty blank, I simply wrote what she said and waited for instructions.

She then returned me to the table and sheet and continued with the massage. She was using imagery related to blue skies and clouds and was not doing the strobbing changing from one scene to another, but the imagery was without context and was not that real to me – if there is a blue sky, where am I – a park, a beach, or ??? and this caused a strobbing effect as my environment shifted among the possibilities. This might have been in part due to some effect of the strobbing last time causing me to be anticipating it this time.

Another command and I'm up, rewrapped in that towel thingy, and back at that desk this time counting the money in a small jar and writing down the total. This normally routine task was actually a bit of a strain, the simple keeping mental tally of where I was and adding by 20, 10, 5, and 1 seemed to be at the limit of my cognitive abilities.


When back on the table she started to emphasize that I wanted to go to sleep, and that I would go to sleep, and this would start a profound shift in me, a deeper focus on just being under her direction. However, she did not stay on the theme for long and something else would interrupt it such as the on again off again blue sky with clouds. Given my submissive nature, she could probably effectively suggest that I sleep and dream of being in her control, doing whatever she asks (not just "wanting to do" but actually "doing", too much emphasis on "wanting to" without instructions that I "will do" starts to seem unbalanced and the lack of balance can be bothersome.) The sleep stuff when it was not interrupted started to feel like a tunnel where I was more fully leaving myself behind and in her control and if emphasized this might be a cool effect.

Turnover time. My sense of time was gone and I was pleasantly surprised that there was still more to come. More massage and more disconnected dreamy deepening. She requested that I go deeper than ever before and once associated this with being more fully in her control.

I found myself getting up and covering again and following her down her hall. I was very out of it and barely opened my eyes enough to not bump into gross obstacles such as walls. In this daze I transferred clothes from her washer to her dryer. If asked, I would not be able to say whose clothes they were, what kind they were, of even if they were for a male or female. I found doing this to be somewhat fulfilling and pleasant, maybe just because I was pleasing her.

Back to the table and more massage. I don't think I said much at all this time until she shifted to a facial massage (which is typically the last think in her pattern) and I probably echoed some of her words about wanting to do anything she asks and might have added some about wanting to be in her control. After 45 to 60 minutes of her enchantment, all I want is to be there and to obey, but then it has to end.

Until next time, that is.

0 Comments:

Goddess X's Cherries

I went into Goddess X’s studio untranced (she removed the doorway trance triggers a few sessions ago) and sat down as instructed.

We chatted a bit about "The Mark of Surrender", my blog subject lines, and my recent session with Mistress N. She also remarked that she was surprised the Mistress N and I had not made arrangements to trance Goddess X. She had thought we'd get something planned, I was waiting for Mistress N to take the initiative because it is probably more comfortable for both if I do not push for it. I commented that Mistress N should probably hear directly from Goddess X that this is something she wants.

She reminded me that "I promised you a surprise" and I guessed that she had changed hair color (not much of her hair was showing), but that was not it.

She wanted to branch away from just hypnosis and to tech me a new technique to dispel anger, guilt, or hurt. For this, she wanted me to think of something about which I could think and renew an anger or hurt to be dispelled. While I do not place much credence in some of what feeds into this particular form of therapy, Goddess X is very familiar and comfortable with it and that endorsement speaks volumes and I'll approach it with a truly open mind. It may be one of those things that works for reasons other than those generally given.

However, she chose a bad day of this as I entered in a particularly good mood, I had just super delivered a truly elegant solution to a new client and rather than being stressed that my pending vacation would impact this client I was feeling comfortable that the way it fell together allowed me to be done well in advance. Between this and other things I was feeling well. I'm considered the unhappiness of not being open to my wife about my hypnotic explorations, but I'm not feeling guilty about this. My wife freaks out about the possibility of this and this placing of this exploration as off limits and has gotten the to be expected result of driving it completely underground.

We then changed direction and Goddess X brought out what I had written in the mostly unremembered parts of last session. I had remembered writing two of them, but I had no memory of doing the third (the letter to all of my mistresses) until it was mentioned in this session. The mention acted as the key onto which to find the memories and once mentioned I had recollections of doing it, but if I had made a list of the events of last session (which I had), this would not have been part of it.

She asked me to read the letters to her. I joked about my unintelligible handwriting but demonstrated that it was not completely random markings by being able to recreate the message (with a few stumbles). I had remembered writing the Letter to My Mistress, and the tone of it, but had not remembered the words.

I was surprised at how well the messages were composed. They really did not need corrections and had grammatically correct sentence and paragraph structure. I commented on how articulate the messages were and Goddess X mentioned that she was also surprised. I reminded her of that "Red Rose, Yellow Rose" note that was basically composed on the spot in trance.

Some of the articulateness in the notes probably comes from my general writing skills, and the 100 or so pages in this blog has not hurt, but I think something else is at play. While my analytical thought processes are stilled in trance, my associative thought processes are quite active. (Maybe it is enhanced associations playing without analytical filters that let some dream so vividly under hypnosis.) So pulling together a list of thoughts I had already thought was not difficult. Planning 10 seconds into the future would be entirely different.

She then used a strong trance trigger and spent some time deepening me in the chair, having me notice the feel of the chair, the limpness of my limbs, repositioning me to better relax, telling me to let go, etc.

She sat by my side at the level of my head and said that she was going to place something in my mouth, and that it would be … cherries! … . She then popped one into my mouth and described it as the best cherry I had ever had. Who wouldn’t love this!

I was suspicious that it would not be a cherry because of how she had presented it, the pause in her speaking had caused me to suspect that the cherries were a matter of suggestion. I think what she popped in was a grape, but it did taste a lot like a bing cherry. Really, the flavors are closer that we might think and I was receptive to the cherryness in it and unreceptive to the grapeness in it. After a few she told me that she would feed me some grapes and this time the grapeness came through strongly. We discussed this effect and she queried me about foods I don’t like.

She wants me to make a list of things to try while hypnotized. She wants it prioritized or at least broken into sections of what I'd love to have more of, what was fun once, etc. She mentioned as one of the categories something like "things I'd love to see included" and I made a "no-no" finger wave and got a nice "Hey, watch it" reaction from her. I'm getting so much hypno fun it is hard for the mistresses to think of what to do. I may well ask for suggestions on this from the blog readers or in one of the open Yahoo groups that do not just promote themselves. I'll probably wait a few weeks before starting Yahoo discussion threads, but if any reader has ideas (consistent with the overall restriction of nothing overtly sexual or erotic), feel free to email me at deeptrancer @ yahoo.com or to comment.

0 Comments:

A Letter to All of My Mistresses

Thank you for understanding, for tolerating, for participating, giving me what I seem to so deeply need while enjoying it on your own levels. I love what we do, I love the security of having a plentiful supply. Thank you for being kind and being there.
-- YSS

---

Note: this was written by me last week in trace during the part of the "Mark of Surrender" session for which I had few memories. It was written in one pass with no corrections and is presented as originally written. Goddess X supplied the title, the rest is mine.

0 Comments:

A letter to my Mistress

I love our interactions, being surprised by you, going deep for you, even teasing you and encouraging some forms of growth. I love your care and compassion and how that shows in so many ways. I also love that you "get me" and understand this secret need of mine, what it is and what it isn't, and how to channel it. It is fun to see you evolve and try different styles; almost all are fun. There is so much to explore.

I trust you and have no fears dealing with you other than the fear of rejection

It is so amazing that you have introduced others and take joy in their joy and in my joy with them.

I am truly lucky to have found you.

I love you. Thank You.

---

Note: this was written by me last week in trace during the part of the "Mark of Surrender" session for which I had few memories. It was written in one pass with no corrections and is presented as originally written. Goddess X supplied the title, the rest is mine.

Due to my poor handwritten, the contents of this letter was essentially encrypted until she had me read it to her (not in trace) at the start of today's session.

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Letting an Attractive Female Drive for a While

Mistress N surprised me by being able to give me an in-person session this week.

We started by spending 30 minutes on some business stuff before starting the real session. She mentioned that there was something she was not sure about and was thinking of asking me but did not want to spoil the surprise. I told her she did not have to ask me. We also discussed some ideas on how we might use blog readers and some of the better open Yahoo groups to influence these sessions. Yes, dear lurker, you may get a chance to see how your favorite ideas play out. Start thinking.

As we started, she had this difficult to describe grin, a "I'm really going to enjoy this" look. She asked me if I wanted to go quickly or slowly and I chose slowly. (I love the slide.) She took my had and set up a three shake thing, one to relax, one to go deeper, and one to fall like a rock.

It is funny how I often think at the start of these trances that I really should better describe how it feels, but later on I just don't feel like it. At the start I still have a side dialog, an observer and monitor of what is happening whereas later this ceases and I'm only on the moment. I felt my head hanging and with every "relax", "go deeper" or other such instruction some part of me noticeably shifted, a muscle in my neck or back would loosen and I'd slump a bit further. Gradually I cease monitoring and just pay attention to her.

She used some "I wonder" questions, such as wondering how hard the gravity could pull on me, how far I could go, etc. I actually found this a bit humorous because one of the symptoms for me of trance is that I cease wondering, cease planning and doing what-ifs, cease any thoughts of the future.

She directed my attention to her hand, which was still holding mine. She described energy flowing from her into it up my forearm, to my shoulders, spreading as I went deeper, and focused and submitted to her. When she told me to submit to her it seemed very natural and soon I was "wanting to please her, needing to please her, desiring to please her".

She asked if it would be ok to take me on a ride in her car. This is a bit of a touchy subject because I have been at risk of being observed in my home town and Goddess X and I have basically written off any excursions out of her place of business. (She once almost took me with her to walk her dog and would have gone to the park at the end of my block – very much "too close to home" for this closet hypnotic submissive.) However, Goddess N's place of business is much further away and I gave her an ok for such excursions.

(Side note: This exchange shows some of the fundamentals of the sort of hypnotic relationships I have with these Mistresses. I was surrendered and submitted to Goddess N, and she could have just told me what she wanted and I almost certainly would have done it. However, while they have control, they have my interests at heart and do not abuse this control and in practice they are very cautious near any likely boundaries.)

She emphasized that to please her that I must appear quite normal to all observers, but that I would be deeply entranced. She emphasized this several times.

When she thought I was ready she instructed me to open my eyes and I followed her out her suite and to her car where she opened the door for me and I settled into the passenger seat, bucked the seat belt, and closed my eyes (without yet really noticing the kind of car it was, btw.) After she got in she directed me to open my eyes and directed my attention to light raindrops on the windshield. I did look at these and while there was background activity visible to me I did not focus on it visually or with my attention.

After a block or so she said something about how I might be wondering where we were going. I had a quick smile because until she said that I had not been wondering and had not noticed that I was not wondering. Sure I was in her car, in her control, and physically going wherever she wanted to take me, but that had not seemed to be worth any mental attention, I was just content to follow whatever she told me to do and truly was not questioning it.

She turned onto a side semi-business street and after a few more turns into a one of those business complexes with many first floor service businesses. I did wonder briefly if she might be taking me to get a manicure, if I might find myself in trance at her direction being manicured by a female clueless to my state.

She moved out of that complex and continued to emphasize that only she and I would know I was in the trance and had me focus on the raindrops or on car wheels. So we ended up at that all too pervasive of stops, a Starbucks. She asked me if I drank things from there and I replied "not today". She gave me a choice of staying in the car or going with her and I opted to go with her. She prepped me further on not letting anybody know and told me what she wanted that day. (OK, I never give out personal details of the Mistresses, but I can probably safely reveal that it was a "tall decafe non-fat latte"). She told me I was going to order for her and had me repeat it several times, perhaps to see if I would be able to pull it off or to get my talker warmed up.

At her instruction, I followed her out the car and through what I more or less remember as a maze – some stairs and turns, nothing out of the ordinary but somewhat mazelike to someone whose sphere of awareness was about 18 inches. We may have passed a person or so, I was not noticing.

I did pay more attention in the Starbucks, one person was ordering and there were 2 or three clerks. I got the order in without anything unusual happening and I followed Mistress N to a side area where she had me face her while she reemphasized that I would remain in trance and not let anybody notice.

When her order was ready she directed me on what additives she wanted in it and how much to stir it – all tasks I took very seriously. Whatever other people were doing in there did not come to my attention.

I followed her back out that maze to her car and again sat down eyes closed. She had me reopen them for the brief trip back to her office. There she had me sit in her car for a few minutes eyes closed, probably looking asleep to any observers. She emphasized that I had been under her control the whole time. Then at her instruction I followed her back through her office suite into her studio and back to that chair.

She asked what one of my favorite spots was and I mentioned a beach in south Florida. She had me envision being there and feeling the surroundings. She emphasized how hot it was and probably was looking for some sort of reaction, but that does not really work on me because I grew up in a very hot location and have retained a knack for not being bothered by heat or reacting to it, so non-reaction is my normal reaction. (To me, 100F is "starting to get there".)

She had me envision an unnamed companion I had not seen for a while sitting next to me, this did not really work for me.

She changed track and had me put on sunscreen and then notice sand in my chair, both of which I reacted to semi-naturally in that dual awareness I sometimes get when hypnotized where I am aware of both the true world and the suggested world (I have only been so immersed in the suggested scene that I lost track of reality once and that was very brief.) I did enjoy having her help put the sunscreen on my back, however.

I have a pending beach trip coming up soon. (That is partly why I've not been as active blogging or in Yahoo lately, I'm clearing things so I can do this trip.) She had me envision having my kids there and building a sand castle with them and watching their water activities. I'm a very active and aware parent so I discussed seriously various aspects of the kid's developmental needs and their likely behaviors and our plans for these likely behaviors, but these details are too person to be blogged and probably not of much interest to hypnofans.

It will be interesting to go a week without hypnosis. Ever since my first 5-for-5 week in early April I've not had a week with less than 3 trances, and most have more. I've gotten very used to easy access to hypnofun and it will be interesting to see how I react to a cold-turkey pause. I'm already set to have two sessions with Goddess X before I go, however, and one with Goddess B.

I do have instructions to remember Goddess N, my mistress of relaxation, at a point during my vacation, so while I may be away from my Mistresses I'll still be taking them with me.

When giving the wake-up instructions, Mistress N encouraged a full memory. She likes the blog and seemed to encourage a full blog entry from this session. I hope I've pleased her.

She started to mentioned how her sessions with me have made her a more competent therapist with her other clients and started to give examples, but I was 10 minutes past my time limit and I had to scurry back to get to my office to not be late for an appointment.

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Goddess X will be jealious

Because Goddess N really got to drive for awhile.

0 Comments:

Wondrous Possibilities

One problem of having multiple mistresses is the scheduling of them all. Goddess X had already moved me once this week at my request to accommodate another hypnotist, but Goddess N late last night unexpectedly became available at that new time.

So, today I will be seeing either Goddess X or Goddess N, I don't know which, it depends on if Goddess X will make a second change for me this week. The request news arrived too late last night for her to reply.

As I was primping this morning I was looking forward to my hypnosis session but had an extra sense of wonder at not knowing if it was going to be X or N, the Red Rose or the Yellow Rose. Both are treats, and both are surprising me, so I don't really know what to expect anyway, but to toggle between anticipation of the Red Rose or the Yellow one is an interesting wonder. Sort of like a confusion induction, but slower.

0 Comments:

Strobing images

Goddess B greeted me in her atrium. We chitchatted a bit about her recent trip to a resort and she hit me with a relax trigger. Of course I did, before even thinking about it. With no deepening whatsoever she told me that because she had been gone there were chores to be done. She directed me to her backyard where I picked some citrus fruit using my reach, which is considerably longer than hers. She was giving a background chant of going deeper and pleasing her as I did this and as she directed me into her kitchen to place the fruit in a basket.

She directed me to her massage room and told me to take off my shirt and shoes and to lie face down on the already made massage table. As she started on my shoulders, she told me she had not given a massage in several days and she was looking forward to it. She started her background hypnotic mantra, basically a slow and soft steady stream of phrases such as "feel my hands across your back, deeper and deeper, into nirvana, into that special place, just relax, surrender, let go, you feel so good and so comfortable, feel my fingers across your muscles, release, be totally comfortable, wanting to do anything Goddess asks, falling asleep, totally letting go, totally surrender to my power, out of control, taking care of yourself, recharging, …". There was a lot of emphasis this time on going to sleep and I did drift somewhat even as she had me move my arms to her commands.

She tried to guide me into images of soaring over the countryside, but it was sort of like watching action in a strobe light. One moment the oceans, one moment the mountains, the next the dessert, then snow, etc. Each was a change from the previous statement and just as I might start to image it she would move on to the next. Very different from taking one scene and building upon it and making it more vivid.

At various points she had me get up still tranced to check the contents of a new dresser in her massage room, to dust the furniture, and to insert theme pins into a lanyard. Interestingly, while I was tranced and doing these without question, I was not so gone as to not have side thoughts. For example, I noticed the prices on the theme pins and thought the seller had a nice racket. I don't know if this lack of depth was from the strobing images or from a feeling that the deeply letting go part of the session had not yet really started.

About 40 minutes into it she had me finish undressing so she could go to work on parts other than the upper back. Maybe the images were less strobing, or maybe it was the reentry into a familiar pattern, but I went much more profoundly deep during this part. I found myself echoing and building on her themes of wanting to do anything she asked, wanting to make her happy, wanting to be in her control, wanting to be deep. It was quite a disappointment when the session ended before much could be done with this eagerness.

0 Comments:

Goddess N's soft touches

Goddess N is a bit of a mixed bag. Those who have read of my sessions with her (tele or in person) probably correctly get the impression that they are intimate and warm. What I have never blogged is that her emails are super dry. I have a huge number of 2 line emails from her, and many that are just 2 or there words. I just checked my archive for her longest electronic communications, and it was directions to her office.

I've teased her about this, and so has Goddess X, and I was the first to show her emoticons and explain what they mean -- she just does not use email all that naturally, but now she is delighting in finding new emoticons to embed. For example, her last message to me was a 4 liner but had 5 different emoticons.

She is a warm and caring person, but not one that expresses it in text. She is getting there, however.

3 Comments:

 Anonymous said...

In my other profession, you must be business like in order to survive. I cannot share anymore than that in this venue. I quess it is a skill that I developed well. I have many sides to me. I am reminded of a homicide detective friend of mine that was able to turn on the good cop bad cop routine in a flip of coin , so to speak. He was a completely different fun loving guy at home and a totally different methodical guy at work. He couldn't survive his job unless he was one kind of a personality and a differnt personality at home. BOth personalities were him however. Two sides of the same coin. Makes for an interesting coin...no?

6/15/2005 12:33 AM  

 Anonymous said...

Mistress N might need therapy to help her with her emailaphobia. ; )

6/15/2005 9:39 PM  

 Deep Trancer said...

We're working on it.

6/15/2005 10:11 PM  

Tele-trancing to a raised bar

Goddess N called me by surprise. We started with telephone trances only, but the latest sessions have been in person. However, our schedule does not allow for one this week and she called me around 11:30 pm Monday night.

As usual, I tried to chit-chat and she was not having any of it outside of necessary session mechanics such as getting a good handless mike in place. She then started with instructions to relax, to let go etc.

It is interesting that while these were effective, they were not as effective as before we had had in-person sessions and this is, I think, a matter of rising expectations. Before just getting a call from her was a treat, but now I know what her TREATS are like I can find myself missing them. Along a similar vein, I stopped listening half way through my first playing of a recording from Goddess X, even thought I was there live when it was recorded (it was the one she made with me and Jeff) and I liked it then. I probably stopped because I had been there live and because I'm used to dealing with the live her and the recorded one felt odd.

She did not have me provide much verbal feedback during the call. The cell phone cut off at one point and she might have proceeded for a minute or two before noticing.

The bulk of her messages were to relax, to submit, that I want to please her, desire to please her, and need to please her. I probably echoed some of these toward the end. She also had me imagine her eyes and feel that bond that exists between us.

She left me with instructions to sleep well (perhaps tranced) and to pause and reflect 15 minutes after I awakened that I had submitted.

Well, I did sleep soundly, so soundly I don't know if I was tranced or not. The 15 minutes thing was interesting because it was another case of multiple instructions from different hypnotists for the same time period. I'm still operating on a regularly reinforced compulsion to stretch in the shower and to be briefly but deeply surrendered to another hypnotist. (See "I need to stretch" -- a story of compulsion) The timings of my showers put them in this 15 minutes after I wake up window, so today I ended up stretching and then reflecting on how nice it was to have submitted to Goddess N.

0 Comments:

The Mark of Surrender

Today's session with Goddess X started with some changes. She had rearranged her studio to be dim and candle lit, to have a water sculpture, and to provide more room at the cost of having access to only one side of the massage table.

She had me sit across from her and we discussed various events including yesterday's session with Goddess N, that Goddess N had not noticed the touchy nature of Goddess B, and what it was in our respective days before my last session with Goddess B that we had carried into the session.

She directed me to start going into trance while still talking to her, to develop that buzz I get but to keep my eyes open. I became more subdued in my talking and waited for her to initiate threads. After a while she directed me to close my eyes then had me open them and look at a new pendulum.

Things get very fuzzy after that. Lots of conversation, perhaps some writing, not much movement. Urges to forget. Time passes.

I’m walking to her bathroom and look into the mirror. I’m surprised to find on my forehead huge and vivid lipstick marks, that of a classical kiss. Man, she has a big mouth when viewed from that prospective.

In our post conversation, I didn't ask many questions, but I did tease with a "was it good for you?"

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Flickering Participants

Today's in-person session with Goddess N started after about a long business discussion on other issues. She briefly saw my raw session notes for the first time and we chatted briefly about some of the inside jokes the blog entries from our prior session and she commented that it was weird how I seemed to know just when she was laughing and how I seemed to know her in general. (She is only smiling right now.) We briefly discussed if our growing non-hypnosis business relationship would confuse our hypnotic relationship. I was worried about her ability to quickly change modes after such a long business discussion but she assured me that (some things in her life history) makes her quite adept at this and then she proceeded to demonstrate.

Once again she was using her massage table as a spare shelf and we were seated in our usual chairs. She triggered me and directed me to make myself comfortable, to take deep breaths, to go deeper, to start to submit to her. She did an arm limpness lift and drop test on each arm with some deepenings in-between, emphases to totally relax, to listen to her voice, that she was totally in control. She had me do another slow backward count from 100 saying "deeper" in between. Somewhere in the mid 90s the numbers ceased but the "deepers" remained along with variants she suggested and some of which I might have come up with. Things like "deeper and deeper", "surrender", "letting go", and also that I must please her, want to please her, desire to please her. At this point I was pretty much free-associating and also soaking up whatever was being said.

She lifted my left arm and made it rigid and left it there for an indeterminent time while she worked on other things.

The session was filled with eye openings, briefly looking into her eyes and then being directed non-verbally to close them again. It was sort of a form of fractionation and made it easy to transit between modes of trance, but I also suspect that she really likes watching me fade into her control.

At other points in the session she had my foot get stuck to the floor and for me to get stuck to the chair. As she directed me to try to move the foot, I had enough mental ability left to try to judge if I could do it – I could not. The foot felt stuck. I seemed to be sending the commands that would move it, and the muscles seemed to be responding, but the foot did not move. Something beneath my perception was countering my movement impulses but doing it in a way that it felt as if the foot was stuck. Same for the chair later.

She played with my perceptions of her. She had me open my eyes not recognizing her, and not knowing why I was there. I semi-awoke and when asked to explain who she was I filled in that she must be somebody Goddess X sent as she is my gatekeeper of all things hypnotic and has a few more hypnotists standing by that we've put on hold due to my lack of time for more participation. I explained that if Goddess X sent her then I'd trust her and would let go for her. She asked if I would do anything she said and I think I responded affirmatively.

She then cycled me back to eyes closed and suggested that when I next opened my eyes she would be somebody else, somebody I do recognize. I saw her as …, a hypnotist I saw for several years a few years before this blog started. I said her name when asked but Goddess N did not ask for any details.

The next cycle I was to recognize who Goddess N was but not who I was or why I was there. When asked who she was, I gave a split answer. She was both (her real name), a hypnotherapist, and Goddess N, a mistress of relaxation. I wasn't clear for which I had come to see or why.

Another cycle as I was to perceive her as the most beautiful hypnotist I had ever seen, that I would be struck by her beauty and would not know whether to tell her or not. This was a bit of a quandary for me as I make it a practice to not pay too much attention to my hypnotist's attractiveness because I could easily focus on that and be lead into responses and behaviors they would not be comfortable with. However, even as I tried to be more or less normal and polite, I did "check her out" a time or so.

These perception things need some explanation. I do not vividly see my previous hypnotist's hair or face, but I perceive it as being there. It is as if the senses are sending in the signals from reality but my interpretation of them is as if they were the suggested reality.

Another cycle and she was somebody waiting and wanting to be hypnotized. I treated her professionally and with respect asking her if she was ready to proceed and working with her coyness. I used an eye fixation induction and played on her closeness to trance and her knowing what to do. I think she was on the verge of starting to be gone when she shook herself out of it and snapped me back into the chair. She then had me perceive her as somebody who I need to awaken from a trance – maybe there were residual effects she wanted cleared. I think she could really enjoy trancing out more fully in these sessions (she does trance some) and I think parts of her want that. However, on the whole she is not choosing to do so. Even during the counting up it was not clear if she might be getting more into my voice.

She then had me fetch her tea, which I did with no problems and encountering nobody. She followed this with instructions to fetch tea for myself, which required getting a cup from a communal kitchen. In following this directive I had my first point of walking hypnosis decision-making. As I'm walking I am not as obliviously tranced as I need to make navigation and other simple decisions. Well, there was a blockage of a form on the way to getting the cup and I had a real uncomfortable moment when evaluating whether to proceed past it or to not fulfill my instructions. Later in the session she had me write what happened (while still in trance) and here is what I wrote.

"Went to kitchen door, lady on table in loud phone conversation, seemed private. Door closed. Didn't seem right to interject."

Between these events were more of the brief eye openings, staring, and fading back along with receiving instructions to go deeper, to desire to please her, etc

At several different times in the session she directed me to walk around the suite in which her office is located. (It is in a real cluster of several body workers, another hypnotist or two, skin care experts, sports medicine clinics and misc other alternative health offices.) The first time I merely concentrated on not bumping into things and did not notice the mechanisms of walking. The other times I was very aware of the placement of my feet and how relatively wobbly I was, I was placing each foot down carefully before doing the next foot.

She suggested that I would forget English and be able to speak only Japanese. With my eyes open I was unable to express English, but I was also unable to attempt any Japanese. It was after this that she had me write what had happened on the way to the kitchen.

Well, her music CD ended, and I guess that is how she times her sessions, so it was time to wake up. I'm never ready for these, but at least I know I'll get another taste soon.

In post session discussions I noted that she had not cancelled that beautiful hypnotist suggestion and she laughed and said that she liked it. She is also going soon for a refresher course on her state hypnotism skills and she mentioned that her experiences with me will be the basis of her practical demonstration. In the midst of these discussions she threw in a trigger without warning, briefly deepened, and then woke me up. Cool. We also discussed the mutual energy in the room. It seems like if a stranger walked in mid session and got caught in our gazes that they would drop on the spot from the bi-directional hypnotic waves. Of course this is not quite how it works, but that is how it sometimes feels.

Well, sessions with Goddess N are event filled and take longer to blog than to experience and I do like experiencing them. You will be hearing about Goddess N for quite some time. (She is laughing again.)

3 Comments:

 Anonymous said...

Dear Submissive One,
I am curious, do you take notes when you leave our sessions?

Perception versus reality, ah....that is the ultimate question regarding hypnosis isn't it. What part of the brain transverses the image we know is there yet we choose to see another image or in the case of negative hallucination we choose to see that the image is not there. Is it that hypnosis feels so good that in order to continue to feel that hypnotic high we choose to see whatever our hypnotist tells us to?

Would you like to know more about your walk?

Your Mistress of Relaxation

6/08/2005 4:15 PM  

 Deep Trancer said...

The flippant answer is that being hypnotized with you feels so good that I’d chose to do anything you asked.

A more serious answer is that I don’t know how to choose to have my foot be stuck such that it feels like it is stuck or to map new perceptions on top of sensory inputs, so there is something in hypnosis operating at levels beyond what I can chose to control consciously.

Also, I am not chosing, I do not have moments when I evaluate what you are asking and decide if I want to do it or not, so what I might choose if I were choosing is a moot question.

---

What walk? ;->

I did jot a few notes about 2 or 3 hours after the session, sort of like the bullet points you see in my early blog entries before I was writing to share these with my hypnotists and later with the world.

6/08/2005 4:35 PM  

 Anonymous said...

Dear Submissive One,

You were given a posthypnotic suggestion that you would not remember the specifics of the three walks around my office corridors. The first, was going to the left and just walking. The second, was going to the left as if you were in snow. The third, was going to the right as if you were walking in thick mud.

Now, I'm smiling :.)

Now you may remember.

You Mistress of Relaxation

6/09/2005 11:24 PM  

Don't Squash the Butterfly

(Sorry for the 4 days between posts, I normally try to get something out almost every day. Well, I did a bunch extra last week, and there was no Mistress N so there was a gap. I see Mistress N tomorrow, today was Goddess B.)

Goddess B is still branching out.

She greeted me and without trancing me took me to her living room and. On the way I noticed the pendulum she had ready and commented on it, and sure enough it was just seconds before she was slowly swinging it standing before me as I sat me in the same red chair as before. I looked at it for a minute or 2 before she hit me with the R trigger.

She did a bit of deepening with phrasings such as I am relaxed, comfortable, and ready to do anything she asks. She then had me read a portion of a publication from one of the other Mistresses. I had seen it before and probably smiled a bit as it contained some signs of my influence on her. Goddess B told me that it was a message I was very familiar with and that I should be proud of myself.

She then told me that she had planned an outdoor activity but the whether was not permitting what she had in mind, so she took me to the massage room. She had me remove my shirt and shows only and lie face down on the table. I just basically dropped the clothes on the spot without concern to where they ended up.

What happened during the massage that followed was disappointing only by our standards. She tried to take me deeper and deeper into Nirvana, into my comfort zone, but I was distracted from things that had occurred at work before I came to see her. I later found out that she also had experienced a poor morning and was still adjusting from it. By any normal standards it would have been a very good to excellent experience, but we have gotten used to a raised bar.

She focused on getting me to sleep and did some light imagery suggestion such as suggesting I think about a forest but not really describing it herself. She probably had a bird think in mind for me as she tried several times to get me to hear birds but between both of our distractions and my general weak response to general imagery it was not really happening.

She had me get up in trance and be sure that my shirt was hung right side out, then returned me to the table for more massage.

Later, she had me get up to reattach a butterfly that had fallen from the wall, my concern was squashing it as I am aware that I'm uncoordinated when tranced and I tried hard to be gentle. I think I managed to get it to stick without deforming it and she then returned me to the table, and again tried to get me to hear birds.

I think that between the uncooperative weather and my weak responses to her imagery she decided to abandon whatever her initial plan was and to just go with a hypnomassage. She told me that she was leaving the room and directed me to finish undressing, that I'd go deeper with each piece removed, and I would then get under the sheet and call her when ready.

That did it for me. Being under that sheet and receiving her massage is a familiar pattern with strong associations to deep hypnosis and this familiarity overcame any residual distraction from my earlier day. From her post-session discussion, I think she also put aside her earlier bad day around that time. I definitely relaxed into her words and touches.

After some blissful time I followed her instructions to get up and, covering myself with the sheet the whole time, sit in a chair and rock a Minnie doll. She asked if it had anything to say or vice versa and I indicated I was just comforting it. She then started in with suggestions of sleep and I started to go out in the chair but she restored me to the table before I got there. The sheet was all tangled and she was tugging to restore it and I gave her about as much assistance as would bags of rice.

After some more massage she had me wake up to discuss the weather again – what is it about her and discussing the weather as she frequently has me discuss it? She must be looking for some signs of something in me, but I'm not sure what. She then started with the pendulum again and I developed a very eyes open desire to obey, to be basically zombified and following her commands. I tend to get this way after 40 minutes or so anyway and watching the pendulum tends to do that as well, and the effects combined. I think she did not realize what was going on and was wondering why my eyes were not closing. (They had not because she had not suggested it or anything leading to it, and they did not need to close to comply with what she was suggesting). She directed my eyes to close and returned me to the table. (Face up by now.)

Some more blissful massage time and then I heard those dreaded indications that our time was soon to end. She emphasized a full wake up with lots of energy and vigor, but added a twist that after dressing I would fetch a framed poem from a self in her studio. This I later did without question, meaning that I did not ask myself if I wanted to do it and I did not even speculate as to why she asked me to do it. She wanted it, so I did it.

In a post session discussion she volunteered that she was not sure about the start of the session because she had had that bad morning. She also stated that during this bad time she had been thinking of me and our session and the empowerment that represented to her and that this knowledge helped her through the tough moment. This reminded me of what I had speculated about Mistress N when she was still the perfect mystery female hypnotist and I told her about this (Goddess B reads the blog only occasionally) and I found the postings for her.

2 Comments:

 Anonymous said...

Dear Submissive One,
I had no idea of what your sesions with Goddess B were like. As a hypnotist we never touch unless we get permission and then the touching is just a wrist, or hand, or touch on the forehead.

6/07/2005 9:41 PM  

 Deep Trancer said...

I had no idea you did not know. Goddess B is a massage therapist branching out into hypnosis, so it is natural that her sessions follow a massage pattern. It was best described earlier in "Butterfly Push-ups" and "The Goddess Touch". Yes, she touches, she is a massage therapist and a very good one at that.

And to the readers, no, it is also non-sexual.

I find if funny how hypnotists are taught to play with the mind but by all means "don't touch", it might be misunderstood, and it is so icky. Massage therapists are comfortable with touching but are often taught that anything having to do with the mind is taboo. I guess the mind body connection does not reach into many schools of training.

6/07/2005 10:28 PM  

The Silent Treatment

Wednesday, Mistress X had something different in mind. She was conspicuously silent when she greeted me, leading me by hand to her studio and having me help place sheets on the massage table before sitting in a chair. The only thing is that the mystique she was trying to build was offset by her having a particularly clumsy day. She knocked over two or three piles of things in the course of adjustments and she had problems with assembling a pendant from the supplies in her pendant box. We laughed because she was so clearly trying for a dramatic effect, but doing it with the grace of Charlie Chaplin. (She later told me she was glad she didn't set her hair on fire. She is normally gracious and not fumbly at all, but for some reason it wasn't happening that day.)

Finally, I am in the chair, the pendant is ready, the furniture has been moved, etc. She placed my hand above her heart and did the same with her hand she guided my breathing rate. She had me look at the pendant for a short time and then slowly moved it up to the limit of my vision and down to the limit of my vision with a quick drop at the end that signified closing my eyes. Using her fingers she indicated I should reopen my eyes and she did the pendant again and later had me look into her eyes. She also used light touches throughout.

After some time she took my hands and guided/lifted me out of the chair. I briefly thought we were going to start dancing but she directed me to the table. I laid down face up and there were more sight and touch based activities of which I do not recall the details but involved her at times having her head very close to mine but behind me (like the picture on the blog) and in various other close positions. It was in here that she gave me that "Letter to my Mistress" to read and then some time with music.

Still silent, she guided me by my hands to sit on the end of the table facing her. Again, I had a brief flash that we might be about to dance. Instead she did some hand play where my hands would basically mirror hers as she slowly moved them up, outward, down and inward in opposing circles. We were just feeling our deep and lasting connection.

When she broke silence she went instantly into full commanding mode, being very authoritative, assertive, and direct with what she wanted. Ordering me to submit to the Goddess, reminding me of how good it feels to let go, to do so with all of my body, to look deeply into her eyes, to feel peace and comfort.

She directed me to feel that buzz and to let it grow. With my eyes closed she continued with this and I thought she was leaving a light finger touch on my third eye as I felt a definite spot there, but when she had me open my eyes I was surprised to see that she was not touching me at all.

She had me lie back down and worked on me submitting, looking at her at times, touching her hands at times, and receiving her energy.

She gave me a special rock to hold from a river in India and characterized it as generating positive energy/vibrations that would flow out and fill me. While I'm not much into such woo-woo stuff I could visualize and feel some effects.

She continued to direct me into relaxing, ordering specific parts to relax further.

Two or three times she told me to come up a bit. I guess she thought she was losing me perhaps to sleep, but each time I was confused a bit at the request because I had been totally in tune with her. Maybe my body was falling asleep, but my ears and attention was still hers.

I spent considerable time under her direction just soaking up good feelings, losing negativity, accepting my need to be in trance, feeling good about everything, letting healing occur. Also focusing on my good qualities and how these act as vibrations on those with whom I make contact. Images of a calm ocean to float my mind. I had an associative memory that the Titanic sank on a very smooth ocean but this did not interrupt my enjoyment. Imagery of my body – heart, lungs, veins, etc. Then time sending positive things to my family and to others.

She tried something new that may become a staple, and that is imagining the presence of my other mistresses, goddesses, and hypnotists and soaking in the benefits of their interactions and suggestions, pyramiding their suggestions into Goddess X's trance. I took this as a pretty normal thing -- with my frequency of trances I'm never feeling that far removed from any of them. (Well, not quite. Mistress N is away this week and I'm missing her interactions.)

She used my full real name at least once in here, and I had a moment of identity confusion and a thought that she should have said "Deep Trancer".

Some more time was spent with eyes open and light touches at the end.

In post discussions I learned that she has another hypnotist for me, but we agreed to hold off on her until I lose one of my existing ones. I did not ask any questions whatsoever about who the new one was, from where she worked, or what she was like – I'll find out when it is time.

So X showed several of her aspects today, from the silent muse to Goddess and super commanding to soft and soothing to provider of even more things hypnotic. All are she.

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