Do you remember now?

I think the problem in exorcism is not expelling the daemon, it is keeping it from returning to the void it left. I do not mean this litterally, but figuratively with respect to thought cycles that are not benificial to us. You can chase them out, but you need to keep them out and some of this is by filling the void they leave with something positive.

Goddess X's non-hypnosis approach had done a good job displacing what needed to be displaced, but it had not replaced it with anything. I saw some signs in Goddess N of the residual disturbance or of the old pattern reassering itself. I asked a few leading questions and got emotional reactions that told me and told Goddess N that things were still there. I suggested we explore trying to discover and find the positive things we knew of but which she was not yet feeling and try to reenforce them. She shyly agreed that this was a good idea, and after some shifting, settleing, and asking for a tissue we proceeded with trancing her.

This was a bit of an adventure in that we were exploring undiscovered wilderness. I knew the nature of what we could certanly find, but did not know the details, and if Goddess X had the details readily available then there would be no void to fill. The session was one of raising possibilities and seeing what memories and associations emerged. We did find some of what we were seeking -- not a breaking of the dam by any means, but a nice trickle.

Now I can say that I've taken one of my Goddesses to the movies.

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Bathroom Follow-up

I had taken some affirmative professional actions in support of the reason why Goddess X made a recording last week using me as her test subject. It is notably how quickly this was done, and it was probably too quick -- something went from a vague idea to implemented so quickly that it did not undergo the usual refinement cycles, but we did not discover this until later. We spent about an hour going over some of this.

Goddess X noticed some increase in my stuttering and made a comment about the incident with Goddess B. It is true that my stuttering took a jump when I had to reject some misguided family related suggestions from Goddess B.

Goddess X used a trigger while I was still working, and while I did trance I had an unfinished queue of things to do. I make a good living by having a deeper mental stack than do most people -- I can keep detailed track of more things than most are willing to do. Hypnotherapists, on the other hand, tend to be more on the intuitive live-in-the-instant-don't-complicate-me side. Well, Goddess X lead me to her studio and tried to deepen the trance, but was unsuccessful at this -- a first for her. I make a living by not dropping the ball or losing track of things, and I could not let that unfinished queue just fade away and become things that get dropped and which would cause problems if unaddressed. I could not relax and let go because it was not time to do so, and I just became resentful of the effort to push me there.

She detected this after a bit and brought me out so I could tackle the unfinished business and we then resumed with more success.

I don't remember the details, but the talk and suggestions were mostly related to some reduction in bonding and closeness. As later entries will show, this was not a time for this as I had my as-then unrevealed reasons.

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Goddess X's alternative approach

We had a joint session where the plan was for Goddess X and I to jointly hypnotize Goddess N in conjunction with a specific issue we have been recently exploring. I've commented a few times that it is pretty unpredictable what will occur when the three of us are together and this time was no exception. The issue was as expected, but hypnosis was not the best approach for it and for Goddess X on this day. It is not that Goddess N did not get into hypnosis, it was that Goddess X determined (accurately) that another of her modularities would work better.

I was aware of Goddess X's expertise in this modularity but it was not one that I find appealing and it was one whose explanation of how it works requires a great suspension of analysis. It was the first time I have seen this modularity used and I was very impressed at how effectively it allowed dealings with intense emotions. Goddess N was clearly helped by it in the manner we had hoped to achieve with hypnosis. I'm left with the conclusion that this alternative modularity has a place, but needs to seek an accurate and non-mystical explanation of the principals of its effectiveness.

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Ironically, Goddess N injured herself on the way back from the session -- one of those injuries that will last and affect her life for at least 2 months. She replaced one pain with another. This one, at least, will heal.

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Bathroom Talk

Goddess X had something different for me this week, and something others can share – if you can find it.

On the way in, Goddess X talked to some cleaning staff about some special preparations she had made and told them that she would tell then "when".

We had some pre talk about various common efforts of ours. She complained that I never write her anymore – I'm distracted on another venture, one that turned out to directly help Goddess X later in the week. During this talk the phone rang, and it was Goddess N. We chatted for some minutes, some general stuff and some in preparation for our big session trancing her scheduled a few days later. After the call, Goddess X and I made some tentative plans for Goddess N's session, but only in the broadest terms because it is certain that these things never follow any preset plan.

It was time for the main event of this day, and for this Goddess X informed the cleaning staff that it "was that time", and invited me into an inner bathroom and then onto a chair in the shower. Definitely something different. Also arriving were candles, a few papers, and some electronic equipment.

Goddess X was making a recording using me as her test subject! I won't go into the nature of the recording except to say that it is from her non-submissive regular hypnotherapy practice, is going to be widely distributed, and that her voice and tones on it would fascinate many readers of this blog. As a connoisseur of these things, I thought she managed to maintain good voice tones, pacing, and train of guidance.

I have heard the finished and distributed recording and it came out well. The bathroom adds an effective slight echo effect that just enhances her voice.

After she finished recording we discussed her plans for it. It was a weird setting with me still in the shower and her sitting on the toilet. I joked about making this moment a blog entry and she told me to "go for it". As far as what was related to that recording, she did not want feedback or analysis (mine is often sharp and critical) but just support for her to run with it. So this is what I have done in a tangable manner about which I cannot blog.

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Driving Cleanly

This session with Goddess N seemed to be to restore the order of the universe. After two consecutive sessions where I tranced her she seemed to need confirmation that she was still in control.

She greeted me as I got out of my car and we teased each other about our three way communication. She had not yet followed up with her planed call to tell Goddess X about her trance releases and to schedule a joint release. Just as I was in my car on the way to Goddess N, Goddess X happened to call to ask about doing a session right then instead of our planned time the next day (we ended up canceling for the week due to schedule conflicts). During this call I told her about Goddess N's releases, thinking that Goddess N had surely mentioned them by then, only to find that the two Goddesses had been playing phone tag that morning. By the time I arrived at Goddess N's place they had made phone contact and had made tentative plans for a three way session next week. I got a "someone has been talking" tease and I teased about Goddess N's procrastination and remarkably unemotive emails.

She started to induce a trance right as we got into her office but broke it off for a bit of small talk which was not so small – she showed me tangible signs of making progress on things from the prior week. This interlude lasted only a minute before she started the trance in earnest.

Her induction and deepening included a focus on her hand, some triggers, heaviness, needing to relax, breathing and transiting to needing to submit, wanting to submit, etc.

It was then time to go for a ride where I would be tranced and in her control and tagging along anywhere she wanted to lead.

Along the way she had me focus on my breathing, and then on the beauty of the morning. She also had me chose from a selection of colored trinkets and chose one whose color spoke to me.

When we got to her destination it was a car wash – one of those where you leave your car and walk inside a store to pay and browse while they clean the car. So, following her directions, I followed her past the attendants into the store and weaving among the displays to the cashier.

When I think of hypnotic scenarios involving submission they can often include some sort of "performing" where others are watching. It is interesting to me how uninterested I am in onlookers when I'm actually in a situation. I am alert to them in the sense of hiding my trance, but the narrowness of my attention does not allow for any self-reflection that I'm hypnotized and they are watching me. It might be different if they knew I was tranced and if I knew that they knew – but maybe not -- Goddess X did this early on with that amazing disappearing Indian lady where even though I knew I was being tranced in front of an attractive lady who knew I was being tranced, Goddess X's control of my attention was so complete that the lady disappeared from my awareness.

Goddess N then had me follow her through the parking lot and along the street over to a bridge over a small stream. She had me focus on the scene and on some particular plants, and gave me a cutting to put into my pocket for later. I was somewhat surprised to find it there later that afternoon. Once found I remembered her giving it to me, but in between I had not given it any thought.

She led me toward a Halloween pumpkin patch and asked if it would be ok to give me a pumpkin to take with me. I said "no" as I've had complications before from seemingly innocent odd items. The best rule is to have nothing tangible from the sessions. For example, I never print this blog and so I never will have to explain a wayward page.

She did other stops where we would look at a flower or the entrancing near spiral of a spider web. Also in here were affirmations that she is my Mistress of Relaxation, that I will submit to her, etc. We got back before the car was done so we sat side by side on a bench enjoying the day.

Back into the car, into the newly crystal clear windows, and to urges to find a new level of submission.

Back in the chair in her studio, she had me stare into her eyes being entranced into going deeper. There is an energy and bond in these stares that just takes me profoundly into her influence.

She turned my attention to sounds, of breathing, of a clock, or of a small set of bar chimes she has on her table.

She had my last name disappear. It is funny during these moments because the memory is inaccessible, it is there and you can feel it be there, but you cannot "open" it. Your thoughts just slip around it. Driver licenses can bring it back while they are present, but remove them and the memory again becomes inaccessible. She later did a similar trick with my age.

I also could not blow up a balloon when blocked by a suggestion from her. I just could not muster the extra "ummph" needed to get it started.

She had me rock in her chair and had it feel like it was about to fall apart. What are probably the same physical sensations take on new tones and interpretations when operating under such a suggestion.

There were other performance suggestions, but they all fade and blur in my memories. It has been difficult to get what I have gotten and I'm not all that sure of some of it. Successful effects lead to successful effects, and I think I can enter a mode of blurred unrememberable hypnotic compliance. Memories seem to need some sort of connection or anchor to other memories and a stream of many different things does not leave these anchors. It is odd that whatever hypnotic suggestions she gave me during this time are also unremembered but would their proper event and time would probably bring up their association such that they express themselves then. The steam of performances might act as a form of confusion induction that leaves me receptive and compliant in a way that I am too confused to later reassemble.

We were chatting after the trance and I was holding a stone sphere she had had me somehow use during the session. She wanted to know what I had been smiling about and I drew her attention to how similar the stone circle was in composition to some imagery I had used in her trances. It is interesting how interconnected things can be where "odd" phrases or objects have some connection to trance events. (See the post on Trance Variants.) My sessions with Goddess N (and X) do run long and we do enjoy ourselves, but this time I think she was a bit late into her next appointment.

Heard near the end of the session: "Don't blush me"

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P.S. Goddess N has now asked or hinted twice for this blog. Here it is, my Goddess of Relaxation, and, yes, you are still in control and I will still submit – nothing has changed in that even though a new path is also open between us.

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Sorting Socks

Had a pretty normal session with Goddess B. She tranced me with a trigger after just a short discussion in her atrium and led me to the massage room with instructions to prepare.

Her hypnotic enchants have changed a bit lately to be more controlling with declarations such as this is my role in her house or with instructions to go deeper than I ever have before. She has also added ones to be totally open and honest. These seem fine with me and I do seem to respond at least partially to these and do experience a deeper or different sort of trance.

She throws in activities in the midst of the message, some of which I carry out in a sort of a sleepwalk, others where I'm more alert but still cooperative. The first one this time was to sort socks. I've reported before that my visual acuity is not good in trance and that some otherwise simple things become difficult. Part of this is, I think, concentration. When not in trance when I need more visual acuity I can pay more attention to what I am watching – sort of "turning it up" a notch. This does not seem to be an option in the fog of a trance. Another factor may be pupil dilation – dim things are extra dim when in trance, as if the pupils are not dilating to compensate. At the extreme end, in my deepest trances I have experienced true tunnel vision. In this case, these socks fortunately were distinct enough that I probably got them all properly matched.

After more massage time, her next thing was to have me sit up. She then asked me for what I would most like changed in my life or with my family. This question got two reactions from me. One was that it was hard to answer, it required a sort of scanning and analysis that is hard to do in trance. It also called for thoughts about that other world, the place I am when not tranced and these can be hard to find while tranced. The second reaction kicked in as I started to try to do such scanning and probably lost some of my trance depth. This reaction was one of wariness, a concern that she was going to again give suggestions concerning my outside life or family. I really have just one limit, and this is it. All suggestions that might affect me outside of the session need to be approached cautiously and pre-discussed outside of trance. I did not come up with anything and she may have detected my wariness because she moved on to the rest of the massage which proceeded normally. In hindsight I can speculate that she may have been planning something other than suggestions toward my outside life such as some sort of hypnotic dream.

As I left, I had to give her this site's web address again. She wanted to write it down on an index card next to my real name, and I'm very reluctant about this as I have strived to not have any document in existence anywhere that associates these two identities without regard to how confidentially the document might normally be stored. For example, in the worst case, would those handling her estate handle this information confidentially? Also, I've had cases where a therapist's confidential information was improperly accessed by others.

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Beaded tears

Today was a wild session with Goddess N. I waited a few minutes for her previous client to leave and when I was called in I passed Goddess N speaking in the hallway to another female hypnotherapist working from the same suites. It was funny going into Goddess N's private space to think of just how unaware that other therapist was that Goddess N had a submissive client. It is even funnier that Goddess X has mentioned this lady as a possible new mistress if I should ever "lose one". That does not seem like it is going to happen in the foreseeable future.

We sat down after a short hug and chatted briefly but not nearly as long as we sometimes do. She asked me what should we do today. I did not know if it was a hypothetical question or a real one but it did not matter. Last week was intense and amazingly effective and I thought it needed some discussion. As Goddess N relayed what had "stuck", what awareness had changed, and what had yet to take effect it became clear to both of us that there was still something "there" in her that was affecting her. I tried to listen actively and to ask reflective questions and just this discussion was bringing things to light, some which were definitely at the emotional level. Based on this we decided that I would trance her to explore a particular aspect.

Because it was so effective last week, I used the same basic approach to trance induction this week starting with a focus on the environment and ending with her taking a journey though multi-colored clouds that eventually merge with her. (She later said that she had not realized just how colorful she was. My response: "I knew") I also used occasional touches to the third eye as deepeners and I could see obvious physical responses to most of them.

The challenge at this stage with someone thoroughly hypnotized is to lead to the exploration but to not lead to the conclusions. The discoveries and conclusions that are effective for her must come from her. You can cause an intense focus on her own conclusions but you cannot insert them. You can at best mention possibilities. The other challenge is that they might not be verbal.

I directed her to explore the aspect we had discussed and to think of approaches and alternatives. She became lethargically verbal and articulated a word or two on a few. All I needed was these few words because it is not important whether I fully understand, it matters only that she understands. One of the things she said had a much stronger reaction from her than the others so I directed attention to that and mentioned possibilities she had mentioned when awake. She quickly reacted to some and started building on the idea – it seemed to be the idea for her for this moment. Just as I sometimes compose blog entries in trance, she had composed a very extensive set of possibilities of what she would do with this idea. I'll not discuss the therapeutic aspect further except to say that it ended with another set of wet ears.

At one point I asked if she was hypnotized. I knew that she was but that she had come up a bit due to her verbalizations and the nature of the subject, but I also knew that she would go back deep as soon as I asked her. As with other parts of the session, her answers were not for my benefit, they were for hers. Hypnotized people often do not realize that they are hypnotized, they are too focused on other things. However, knowing that you are hypnotized can reinforce hypnotic effects.

This effect came into play later in the session. I've reported that when I've been hypnotized for some time I get active – I either get chatty or need to be physically active. I think something similar happened to my relaxed Mistress of Relaxation because one of her hands spontaneously levitated. She was relatively chatty at this point and was commenting on how her hand felt as if it was doing that on its own. This I understand, both the effect on the hand and how noticing that effect is itself fascinating. Afterwards she commented at length on this and will probably be including "convincers" into almost every one of her client sessions.

General rule for hypnotists: Get hypnotized yourself regularly, you may learn many things.

I did explore a bit with the other hand, getting it to levitate (not as independently as the first hand), getting it to be rigid or limp and cycling it a few times. As could be expected, she seemed to tolerate this with nirvanic indifference but these sorts of activities demand focus and are actually deepeners. Also, they put some distance between the most important suggestions and waking up. You don't really want to do a "Wow, what a great revelation, now wake up!", instead you want to let the insights sink in. Toward that I gave her some moments of silence at the end to reflect on herself and on any adjustments she wanted to make at that time.

I did wake her up and she quickly cycled back briefly. When you have recently been there, you can get back nearly instantly.

We discussed the session and she filled me in on the details of what she had envisioned in trance – it was toughly worked out and I look forward to seeing it come into reality.

I expressed how flattered I am that she trusts me to guide her here and how she opens up to me, perhaps even in ways that surprise her. I think she does not let this happen with many or often but it works between us. I think that my long term submissive relationship with her enables this trust. There is another she trusts, Goddess X, and there is still a big unaddressed issue in Goddess N whose time has come and which can be addressed only in the most safe and trusted environment. We made plans for Goddess X and I to jointly be there for her to let her let this essential thing finally happen.

I also reassured her that I was still her submissive one, that nothing has changed with that part of our relationship. She may have needed a "convincer" on this because I had about 30 open minutes left and somewhat shyly she asked if I wanted a trance. Well, I had been almost trancing out in our pre-discussions and of course I accepted. The transition was awkward but once started we were back into our more usual interactions – the "Yes Mistress" needing to please sort of stuff. I am still her submissive one, and I am available as a guide when she is ready. One does not detract from the other and, I suspect, they instead reinforce each other.

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A New Submission

Below is an email sent to Goddess N and copied to me from blog reader menttioned in "The Forgotten Session" reporting on his second session with Goddess N. It seems that he did decide to allow overt submission related activities. His message is presented unaltered below.

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Hello Mistress,

I can't tell you how calm and relaxed I feel today. This past week I have not been able to sleep and was starting to feel like I was coming down with a cold, Last nite, after our session, was the first time in a long time I felt like I got a good nite sleep. I know that it has to do with allowing myself to submit to you. It and you have a very calming affect on me. The vision you planted while in trance of being on the beach has been with me all day and I hope it stays there. The way I saw it as you spoke, there was a warm gentle breeze blowing, the water was breaking gently, palm trees gently fanning each other, you in a flowing white linen gown standing over me. I on my knees feeling the warm sand, your reassuring presence, and the gentle but confident touch of your hand on mine. Telling me it is OK to submit and the deeper I go the better it gets. That feeling of your hand on my shoulder as I do things for you only makes me want to try harder. And that fits in perfectly with what we talked about in terms of motivation, concentration, and relaxation. Workouts and races now take on a new meaning if doing well in them is my way of submitting to you.

When you had me count down from 10 I visioned walking down the stairs. Each step down meant getting to a better, softer, warmer place.

So today, I am in that better place. I enjoy being there and know that it will get even better the deeper I go. Thank you.

I will get my manicure the first part of next week. Honestly, DeepTrancer and I had talked about it. At first mention, I was abit apprehensive. Now I can't wait to go, feel you hand on my shoulder as it gets done, and be able to be back in you control as my hands get massages. Getting a manicure and experiencing these feelings gives me another opportunity to connect with you and therefore a chance to submit. I look forward to it.

Have a great weekend Mistress. I will be in touch soon to schedule another appointment.

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Comic Book Hypnosis

Goddess X and I had an unusual session today. She had ordered something that caught her eye and presented it to me today. It was one of those "How to hypnotize" products advertised in a way so as to appeal to those who used to fantasize about ordering one of those hypno products from the back of comic books – and it even included one of those products!

The cover of the CD was hilarious, mostly because it incorporated as its major themes the two themes that Goddess X and I have recently been pursuing in our regular lives. It was almost as if it had been written for the two of us but in a 1960's Batman and Robin campy manner. It had my phrase, it had her phrase, it had them together, and then it used some of our subphrases.

The product did not deliver to its promises and I think that just about all who order it will feel their money was wasted.

The first part was a general talk about what hypnosis was and was not. For the most part they got it right but they did perpetuate one harmful fallacy. The second was a sample trance and they were reasonably good for this part. Goddess X and I both let ourselves experience it, and as it ended she immediately broke down some of its components to hypnotic pioneers. "That part was Erickson, that other part was the … induction, that arm thing was …".

The next two parts, the ones where it was time to deliver on the two main themes that it so loudly featured on its cover and in its advertisements, is where it took a huge turn for the worse. It was as if they wanted to say as quickly as possible just enough to help them defend themselves in court if they were ever hauled in for a most deserved charge of fraud. No serious attempt was made to transfer knowledge or technique or to leave the buyer with anything useful. Other than yet another trance, the product would be a waste of anybodies money.

Goddess X did have fun playing around with the comic book toy and use it to induce a trance in me, but the effects were much more from her and our bonds than from anything enabled by that toy.

I have always wondered about that particular toy, however, and it was nice to see one.

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Productive Surprise

Following a plan devised by Goddess X last Wednesday, I showed up Friday to a meeting she had planned with Goddess N, without either of us warning Goddess N beforehand.

Goddess N was obviously very surprised and also pleased when I showed up, with a little bit of fluster and perplexion thrown in. The three of us are actually quite an unpredictable combination, even to ourselves. Lets see, Wed Goddess X was trancing me, but the prior Wed I was trancing her, Thursday I was trancing Goddess N but the prior Thursday she was trancing me, Goddess X and I once jointly tranced Goddess N, they have jointly tranced me but once I had a note in my pocket, … you can see that a huge range of possible things could happen.

It was an interesting 2 hour session that contained motivation analysis and encouragements, blockage analysis, review of ones strengths, renewals of confidence, careful attention to phraseology, and many statements that taken out of context would make great subject lines for blog entries. At the end and with Goddess X's blessing, definitive encouragement actually, I did something that I knew would make Goddess N uncomfortable … but in a good way. By the end of the day multiple parties had made the desired progress.

What the session did not contain was any trancing. As I said, we are an unpredictable combination.

1 Comments:

 Anonymous said...

What is there to say but our encounters have .......

10/05/2005 8:48 PM