What I am not

I've been reading a Yahoo group that represents what I am definitely not. Anybody who has been reading this blog knows I love to surrender to hypnosis. I've written before that it is not BDSM and that I do not understand or resonate with much of what I see in the BDSM world. This Yahoo site, Tainted_Talk, is not BDSM but is still full of things that repulse me. This blog entry is to help define what I am by defining what I am not.

• We are cool, and you suck
• We are here for a good time - as you bust your nuts to please us

I don't suck and we are both cool. We're both pleasing each other in different ways.

• Entertain us - it is your purpose for being here

No, it is not

• We will embarrass you, talk down to you, and drag your stupid
• personality through the mud. You will always be courteous,
• and thank us for the rug-burns on your balls.

Nope. This well represents what I do not like about BDSM. I like to surrender and am thankful to those who support me in this, but I do not seek or accept humiliation or put downs.

• you are only interested in your own sissified world

I've never been attracted to feminization.

• permitted a greater level of interaction with us, be provided
• with tasks from us, and become owned by us

I'm not looking for pointless distractions, my life is complicated enough as it is. I can do the deep surrender in part because it is limited in time and place.

I do like the idea of the ongoing influence by X. This is a new thing for me, and new for X, and I trust that she will use this influence in limited ways that are helpful, or which are fun for both of us.

• Are you a closet submissive? Do your friends/family etc know?

Closet, not known by those who know me. Those who do know are in a different circle than my regular life. Those who encounter me in my regular life would not consider me to be submissive or a pushover in any way. I amin a position of influence or control over most of what I am involved in, and a submissive image is not compatable with this.

• Are you married or involved in a relationship?

Married and committed to it. My wife's sense of stability would be deeply disturbed by this side of me.

• you can only speak to us as a submissive should address a
• dominant.

Hmmm. I normally deal with my hypnotists in a fairly normal manner when not hypnotized. Even when hypnotized I'm not calling them “master” or such things although I easily could and might even get into it. X building up an ongoing level of control is interesting and if she tried I probably could be tuned to use mild ongoing reminders of her influence in most of my communications with her. However, I have dealings with X unrelated to the hypnosis and we should not have our efficiencies hampered by requiring certain communication styles.

• As females we can ... you respect that. You know you HAVE to.

My submission is not because they are female and I am male, I do not see any inherent power relationship based on gender.

• I get off on seducing a man - causing him to have intense
• emotions for me, and then trampling on his wee little heart
• for kicks

This is more of the meanness that keeps me away from BDSM. Also while I love being hypnotized and feel close to the hynotists, I'm not building those sorts of emotional attachments.

• I like the man who works as a professional, in a position where
• he does know what control is about. Then I can take him over.
• Soppy wimpy wishy washy men are a turn off to me. I like a
• man who shows confidence and intelligence but yet STILL will
• become my slave boy. I like the men who keep their deep desire
• to be dominated a big secret. I like secrets in general.....
• I like knowing that I become your secret life. I believe it's
• power, and it's my own personal fetish.

Then you would really like me as I fit all of these criteria, but based on your other comments I would not like you, even if you are sexy. I do not know how much the attitudes of X or B have with the above quote, but it would be fine with me if they felt this way as long as they do not also have those other thoughts from the mean and ugly side of BDSM. Having a secret power over an otherwise powerful person can probably do a lot for ones ego and self-confidence, and I'm cool with that.

• financial abuse is a part of our negotiation. He sends me on
• vacation when I feel like going, he buys me clothes when I
• need it, I use his bank account at my whim.

Nope, that's not included. My being a regular paying customer is the limit.

• but don't expect me, don't ask, and don't think I am immoral
• enough to truly abuse your credit card. I will not be asking
• you for big or small tributes or the like.

The above is a very rare declaration for a web domme. Most make it clear that they expect presents and uncapped cash flows and make their tribute pages be a core focus. How much extra tributes and cash outflows actually happens is unknown to me as I never have and never will chose to get involved with people like that.

X, in contrast, once expressed concern over my ability to handle her fees for these regular sessions. I can handle the fees and consider it to be a hobby, therapy, and a form of taking care of myself. It is not much more expensive than getting a massage once a week. I'm financially conservative, have no debt whatsoever, and place my family first. I like the thought that X and B personally enjoy participating in these sessions, but they are making businesses out of their services and I'm fine with paying their reasonable fees.

• You will divulge information that you may have never told anyone
• else prior. This fetish for me is a long going drama that ends
• up coupled with a "blackmail" fantasy. I snoop into your life
• and then threaten you with blackmail to get what I want. I dig
• this fantasy fetish because it's a "head trip" and I have a
• sarcastic personality with a little bitchiness sprinkled into
• the mix. It suits me.
  

I like the idea that I might be hypnotized and telling information I never tell anybody, but the possibilities for abuse of this information do exist. That is why I carefully choose the people I can do this with. I do not think that X or B, or anybody else I've let hypnotize me have secret blackmail power fantasys. I think they like the unquestioned and absolute acceptance they get, and I think they might like the ego boost of being able to take such power and control a person, and I think they might be flattered that I let them and want them to do it, but their intentions, even their secret ones, are, I think, compatible with my self-interests.

• I run your life more like a mommy. You bring me your problems
• and I tell you how to handle them. You ask my permission for
• things, and I'll decide if it's ok. I'll tell you how to handle
• or do things the right way.

Nope, You do not know my problems or how to handle them and have no basis for deciding what is ok or not. My life is not like yours. Some "mothering" as in giving comfort and support is welcome, but not mothering like described above.

• Do you think of yourself as a pervert?

No, I just have a harmless kink. Maybe even helpful. As X and B have said, they would love to find a way to bottle what I seem to be getting. I do think that many others seek the escape I get. Some might seek it with spirituality and meditation, and some seek it in harmful ways such as drugs, inappropriate sex or relationships, or gambling.


For more on BDSM, see The Dark Side of Dominance, BDSM or other and BDSM? No thanks

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