BDSM? No thanks
1/14/2005
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I’ve noticed the similarities to domination, but when I look into the BDSM domination world I am repulsed. There is something going on there that I just do not understand or relate to. I do not seek the anger, infliction of pain, lessening of self-esteem, and humiliation seen in the domination world as typified by whips, chains, and coerced confessions of being a bad boy. If we crossed into those areas I would not return.
I’m very much in control of many things and with control comes the burden of vigilance and responsibility. I get benefit from the release of this burden by letting go of my perception of control. It would be cool if I could do it abstractly or on my own. However, my psyche does not buy into the concept of the control just being suspended, going away, being placed with an inanimate object, or being placed with an imaginary person. I can only give it up under limited conditions in a safe environment and if it is going to someone I perceive of as a real, thinking, and caring person.
If there were truly no control at all by me or anybody else it could be dangerous both to me and to others and I rebel from the possibility of being out of control. I do not, however, rebel from the possibility that it might reside temporarily with another trusted person. If I trust them to be actively and truly making these decisions for a short while then I can let go of my need to be doing if for myself. I extend limited trust all the time such as in interactions with accountants, financial advisors, teachers of my children, or even with a gardener who enters our property while we are away. Even if I am very deep, a well intentioned hypnotist is less risky to me than, for example, the brokerage I use.
This raises the question of intent. What I see in the BDSM world has a fundamental underlying theme that repulses me and makes me unwilling to consider trusting those associated with it. I’ll draw an analogy from the first Harry Potter book and movie (which any parent is probably very familiar with). The last and best protection for the stone was to make it such that it was accessible only to one who did not want to use it. Similarly, the best place for me to transfer control is to someone who is reluctant to take it, someone who is taking it only because they see it as doing me good rather than because they see it as doing them good. This pretty much answers the question of why I chose X.
For more on BDSM, see What I am not and The Dark Side of Dominance, BDSM or other
I’m very much in control of many things and with control comes the burden of vigilance and responsibility. I get benefit from the release of this burden by letting go of my perception of control. It would be cool if I could do it abstractly or on my own. However, my psyche does not buy into the concept of the control just being suspended, going away, being placed with an inanimate object, or being placed with an imaginary person. I can only give it up under limited conditions in a safe environment and if it is going to someone I perceive of as a real, thinking, and caring person.
If there were truly no control at all by me or anybody else it could be dangerous both to me and to others and I rebel from the possibility of being out of control. I do not, however, rebel from the possibility that it might reside temporarily with another trusted person. If I trust them to be actively and truly making these decisions for a short while then I can let go of my need to be doing if for myself. I extend limited trust all the time such as in interactions with accountants, financial advisors, teachers of my children, or even with a gardener who enters our property while we are away. Even if I am very deep, a well intentioned hypnotist is less risky to me than, for example, the brokerage I use.
This raises the question of intent. What I see in the BDSM world has a fundamental underlying theme that repulses me and makes me unwilling to consider trusting those associated with it. I’ll draw an analogy from the first Harry Potter book and movie (which any parent is probably very familiar with). The last and best protection for the stone was to make it such that it was accessible only to one who did not want to use it. Similarly, the best place for me to transfer control is to someone who is reluctant to take it, someone who is taking it only because they see it as doing me good rather than because they see it as doing them good. This pretty much answers the question of why I chose X.
For more on BDSM, see What I am not and The Dark Side of Dominance, BDSM or other
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