The Dark Side of Dominance, BDSM or other
3/27/2005
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I'm into domination, but not into the dark side. So what is the dark side of BDSM and of dominance?
Earlier I wrote of the dark side of hypnotherapy where some therapists justify lying to their clients, and, worse, to their students about the capabilities and limits of hypnosis. This article is not about them.
My revelation is that the dark side of dominance and BDSM is not sex, it is not bondage, it is not humiliation, and it is not even about pain. It is leaving the business of serving the good of others and entering the business of serving yourself.
Of course, every good relationship serves both parties, so we are only talking degrees here, but legitimate therapists whatever their mythologies and whatever their limits are still fundamentally there to help. Some can get overly enchanted with what they get from the interaction, they seek the empowerment, and they have gone dark. They cease caring what other people think about them and value only what they think of themselves. Folks, in other circumstances we recognize this as sociopathic and as a core enablement of evil. There are reasons we lock up those who care only for themselves.
Some even openly laugh at the concept that when money changes hands that they are there to serve the client and instead assert that the client has merely bid for the privilege of serving her needs.
I also notice that most legitimate therapists will help each other even when they are in competition. Those who have gone dark don't. It is just business and they don't have the time or interest in helping others or in transferring their techniques. Legitimate therapists when they find something that works want others to have it so they help others. Dark practitioners when they find something that works consider it to be a trade secret to be protected from possible competitors.
Save yourself, avoid those from the dark side.
Conversely, be very thankful when you find somebody who can accept your need to be controled and provide comfort by giving it to you without being seduced into the dark side.
I love letting go, letting somebody else tell me what to do, to let an intelligent and kind hearted women drive for a while. I don't mind if they get a thrill, joy, unconditional acceptance, ego boast, or just plain laughs from it as long as I can trust that they will also honor my interests. I don't mind giving them power and control in a protected context, and I don't mind that they would like to have this power and control. Actually, I want them to get a thrill, boast, or whatever from it because it causes a more intense interaction from which I benefit more, and it ensures that they continue to participate and that I have an assured supply of this bliss we wish we could bottle.
For more on BDSM, see What I am not and BDSM? No thanks
Earlier I wrote of the dark side of hypnotherapy where some therapists justify lying to their clients, and, worse, to their students about the capabilities and limits of hypnosis. This article is not about them.
My revelation is that the dark side of dominance and BDSM is not sex, it is not bondage, it is not humiliation, and it is not even about pain. It is leaving the business of serving the good of others and entering the business of serving yourself.
Of course, every good relationship serves both parties, so we are only talking degrees here, but legitimate therapists whatever their mythologies and whatever their limits are still fundamentally there to help. Some can get overly enchanted with what they get from the interaction, they seek the empowerment, and they have gone dark. They cease caring what other people think about them and value only what they think of themselves. Folks, in other circumstances we recognize this as sociopathic and as a core enablement of evil. There are reasons we lock up those who care only for themselves.
Some even openly laugh at the concept that when money changes hands that they are there to serve the client and instead assert that the client has merely bid for the privilege of serving her needs.
I also notice that most legitimate therapists will help each other even when they are in competition. Those who have gone dark don't. It is just business and they don't have the time or interest in helping others or in transferring their techniques. Legitimate therapists when they find something that works want others to have it so they help others. Dark practitioners when they find something that works consider it to be a trade secret to be protected from possible competitors.
Save yourself, avoid those from the dark side.
Conversely, be very thankful when you find somebody who can accept your need to be controled and provide comfort by giving it to you without being seduced into the dark side.
I love letting go, letting somebody else tell me what to do, to let an intelligent and kind hearted women drive for a while. I don't mind if they get a thrill, joy, unconditional acceptance, ego boast, or just plain laughs from it as long as I can trust that they will also honor my interests. I don't mind giving them power and control in a protected context, and I don't mind that they would like to have this power and control. Actually, I want them to get a thrill, boast, or whatever from it because it causes a more intense interaction from which I benefit more, and it ensures that they continue to participate and that I have an assured supply of this bliss we wish we could bottle.
For more on BDSM, see What I am not and BDSM? No thanks
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