HypnoMassaged into touching the butterfly -- Log
3/15/2005
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Had hypnomassage session with B today.
We went to the session room right away and she hit me with a N trigger (not the R trigger). This trigger was strong, and I almost collapsed on the floor. Undressed in more than the usual fog.
She came in and gave me firm suggestions regarding surrendering, relaxing, doing anything she asks, and wanting to do so. I soaked these up and was quickly even more gone. She seemed to want me in a very deep surrender and this perception of her wanting me there gave me what I needed to get there.
The time sequence of events gets rather confused from here, so the below are spot memories.
Sat up talking a few times. One was early in the session where I talked of scuba diving. One came late in the session where I talked about how I was feeling from the hypnosis. I was feeling lightheaded and almost giddy or semi manic and said so. I had been extremely into whatever B had been saying with her voice echoing in my head, her hands touching me, and no other thoughts. There may have been other awake sit-ups.
I was given a "funtime" trigger that would cause me to sit up and still be hypnotized and to be completely in her control. I think she told me what to do before sending me into funtime but was probably modifying the instructions as I went.
I don't think she did much interviewing me in funtime, pendulums, or looking deeply into her eyes, I actually don't remember seeing her at all from these funtimes but I do remember her voice.
Things I do remember:
Touching that butterfly that I had said I would never touch. She simply told me to do it. I approached it, hesitated because I remembered that I had set a goal of not touching it, her voice was in my head but I don't remember the words, and the attractiveness of being completely in her control seemed much more important than that silly restriction to not touch that butterfly and touch it I did. When I did so a wave ran through me of being truly and fully in B's control - she could have asked anything of me right then and I would have tried to accommodate.
Holding a Minnie mouse doll - I don't remember much how I got to that shelf or back, but I was holding the doll for a few moments.
Winding up a music box and listening to it while staring into its globe. The music was loud and attractive, and B gave me something to do as soon as it ended so I was waiting on the edge so to speak. Wind up music boxes tend to have unclear endings where they seem to end and then resume and this happened a cycle or two. When it did finally end I did whatever she had told me to do - I think it was another butterfly touch.
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I really soaked up being this deeply under, and I really and truly enjoyed both surrendering to B and responding to her commands. It has become very natural to be in her control whenever I'm at her place, so much so that there is a change in feel for me when I enter and leave her gate. I'm always shy about wanting the transfer of control, maybe because it is a bit weird and I fear rejection if I expose this vulnerability, and most people I'm willing to give it to are shy about taking it. It is nice to get past this and to fully relax and enjoy the giving up of so much (and the corresponding relief from so much) and to have them relax and fully enjoy having the control and influence and getting whatever validations, reassurances, or just plain fun they can from the experience. I suspect that B is getting more confident of her influence, and I'm certainly a goner in her presence, so we may be getting to this point.
I'd miss the massage if it were not there and I do think I am more receptive to it due to being hypnotized.
We went to the session room right away and she hit me with a N trigger (not the R trigger). This trigger was strong, and I almost collapsed on the floor. Undressed in more than the usual fog.
She came in and gave me firm suggestions regarding surrendering, relaxing, doing anything she asks, and wanting to do so. I soaked these up and was quickly even more gone. She seemed to want me in a very deep surrender and this perception of her wanting me there gave me what I needed to get there.
The time sequence of events gets rather confused from here, so the below are spot memories.
Sat up talking a few times. One was early in the session where I talked of scuba diving. One came late in the session where I talked about how I was feeling from the hypnosis. I was feeling lightheaded and almost giddy or semi manic and said so. I had been extremely into whatever B had been saying with her voice echoing in my head, her hands touching me, and no other thoughts. There may have been other awake sit-ups.
I was given a "funtime" trigger that would cause me to sit up and still be hypnotized and to be completely in her control. I think she told me what to do before sending me into funtime but was probably modifying the instructions as I went.
I don't think she did much interviewing me in funtime, pendulums, or looking deeply into her eyes, I actually don't remember seeing her at all from these funtimes but I do remember her voice.
Things I do remember:
Touching that butterfly that I had said I would never touch. She simply told me to do it. I approached it, hesitated because I remembered that I had set a goal of not touching it, her voice was in my head but I don't remember the words, and the attractiveness of being completely in her control seemed much more important than that silly restriction to not touch that butterfly and touch it I did. When I did so a wave ran through me of being truly and fully in B's control - she could have asked anything of me right then and I would have tried to accommodate.
Holding a Minnie mouse doll - I don't remember much how I got to that shelf or back, but I was holding the doll for a few moments.
Winding up a music box and listening to it while staring into its globe. The music was loud and attractive, and B gave me something to do as soon as it ended so I was waiting on the edge so to speak. Wind up music boxes tend to have unclear endings where they seem to end and then resume and this happened a cycle or two. When it did finally end I did whatever she had told me to do - I think it was another butterfly touch.
----------------------------------
I really soaked up being this deeply under, and I really and truly enjoyed both surrendering to B and responding to her commands. It has become very natural to be in her control whenever I'm at her place, so much so that there is a change in feel for me when I enter and leave her gate. I'm always shy about wanting the transfer of control, maybe because it is a bit weird and I fear rejection if I expose this vulnerability, and most people I'm willing to give it to are shy about taking it. It is nice to get past this and to fully relax and enjoy the giving up of so much (and the corresponding relief from so much) and to have them relax and fully enjoy having the control and influence and getting whatever validations, reassurances, or just plain fun they can from the experience. I suspect that B is getting more confident of her influence, and I'm certainly a goner in her presence, so we may be getting to this point.
I'd miss the massage if it were not there and I do think I am more receptive to it due to being hypnotized.
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