Bye-Bye Goddess X
5/21/2005
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X and I are changing the nature of our interaction, the terms Mistress and Goddess will no longer be associated with her and we will be not often following that path. She will however still be guiding me into surrender, getting me as deep as possible, and driving for awhile. I will still have a place to relax, unburden, unwind, and get a balance in my complicated life. She will still tell me what to do while in trance. It just will not be tangled up in that Mistress/Goddess stuff.
Basically, the terms Mistress and Goddess brought too much with them, and with her having "gone public" the terms encourage misconceptions. The reality is that she and I are not acting in isolation. Also, terms Mistress and Goddess were changing us and our interactions.
At first, terms like Mistress and later Goddess were freeing and empowering. They were an open acknowledgement of acceptance of surrender in hypnosis. We had uncovered this need, oscillated a bit about it, and then embraced it. We thought we could define the terms to mean whatever we wanted them to mean (and I did offer a very narrow definition in "Calling Somebody Mistress or Goddess"). We were wrong about this in two significant ways.
The first way we were wrong was that the terms did carry in other associations even between the two of us and while we could remind ourselves that those associations were not it for us, it is a hassle to need such reminders. Perhaps if we had isolated ourselves from all others we could have worked the terms to match our desired definitions, but we are not isolated.
This takes me to the second way in which we were wrong to think we could define those terms to mean what WE meant them to mean. We are telling our story and discussing it. It may be from behind pseudonyms, but we are telling it and the definitions are not just between her and I. I could point endlessly to our very narrow definition, but we would never overcome the associations others have that comes just from the use of those terms. With X having gone public, these false associations become something she has to correct.
Besides the associations with the terms, just having the terms turned out to be restrictive rather than empowering. It placed an expectation that neither of us realized of the direction we would follow. One of us might wonder if they were being "Goddessy enough". This lead to odd things like observing that she could still work on a therapeutic goal despite being a Goddess. Such an observation all by itself is a declaration that "being a Goddess" had started imposing limits. The term had moved from being an acknowledgement of the freedom to be controlling into a limitation on future states.
There is even more to it than the terms used. Surrender and dominance provides a fertile ground for abuse of power. For a while, the dominance thing was growing and we did hit some spots where we realized that we had gone go far. I don't mean that we crossed a line such as that about our sexuality, I mean that something was done that we later think should have been done differently. Power terms like mistress and goddess encourage extreme behaviors. I think that if Hypnotist X were to list any moments she regretted over the 5 months of our interactions, all of the top ones would be associated with some strong assertion of power. It has been tried on, and it was a fun outfit for a while, but it is not really her style.
So will I miss it? I don't know and I'll find out in time. I never thought the terms or the stronger power assertions were essential for either of us and doing them was a form of mutual experiment and if you scroll down in to the yellow shaded parts of the blog you will see that we had a 3 month history of satisfying interactions before the 2 months of mistressy stuff. Also, I may well still be having that sort of interaction with some of the others, or maybe not. I'm very flexible in what satisfies me.
I think we may well be still often beyond Nirvana, but in "Beyond Nirvana" I mentioned that Nirvana was a state onto which any number of directions might be superimposed. Only one of these directions is the Mistress/Goddessy stuff. I get the feeling that there are a huge number of other directions to try.
So what will I call her now? In the blog, I will refer to her as Hypnotist X, a term I used earlier in this blog. In real life, it gets interesting. I will at her request be referring to her by a variant of her first name that she dislikes, one that she associates with some bad feelings from childhood. So why will we be using this worst of her name variants? We are using it because she wants to make it not be bad, that hearing it from me, especially in the tones I use in trance, will reset those bad associations.
I do not know if this will affect what terms I use with the other hypnotists. I have always given each hypnotist their choice of names. There is considerable interaction among us, however, and what happens with one pairing can effect another pairing. I don't worry about it because the label is just a label, and if they all chose something else, that will by itself be interesting. I did have to chuckle a bit at the thought that now B can assert that she is a Goddess and X is not.
I will confess that when this discussion with her started that I feared that it was going to be some sort of rejection, perhaps her closing the door to our sort of interactions or to me. It is not that at all. She is still my provider and gatekeeper of all things hypnotic, and she still intends to honor her promise that I'll never be without hypnofun again. She is still interested in establishing deep hypnosis and surrender and guiding for a while. It will not be influenced (restricted) by these Mistress terms and the expectations they brought with them, and our interactions will probably be more gentle and loving in nature, better matching her nature.
Bye-bye Goddess X and bye-bye Mistress X. Welcome back Hypnotist X.
Basically, the terms Mistress and Goddess brought too much with them, and with her having "gone public" the terms encourage misconceptions. The reality is that she and I are not acting in isolation. Also, terms Mistress and Goddess were changing us and our interactions.
At first, terms like Mistress and later Goddess were freeing and empowering. They were an open acknowledgement of acceptance of surrender in hypnosis. We had uncovered this need, oscillated a bit about it, and then embraced it. We thought we could define the terms to mean whatever we wanted them to mean (and I did offer a very narrow definition in "Calling Somebody Mistress or Goddess"). We were wrong about this in two significant ways.
The first way we were wrong was that the terms did carry in other associations even between the two of us and while we could remind ourselves that those associations were not it for us, it is a hassle to need such reminders. Perhaps if we had isolated ourselves from all others we could have worked the terms to match our desired definitions, but we are not isolated.
This takes me to the second way in which we were wrong to think we could define those terms to mean what WE meant them to mean. We are telling our story and discussing it. It may be from behind pseudonyms, but we are telling it and the definitions are not just between her and I. I could point endlessly to our very narrow definition, but we would never overcome the associations others have that comes just from the use of those terms. With X having gone public, these false associations become something she has to correct.
Besides the associations with the terms, just having the terms turned out to be restrictive rather than empowering. It placed an expectation that neither of us realized of the direction we would follow. One of us might wonder if they were being "Goddessy enough". This lead to odd things like observing that she could still work on a therapeutic goal despite being a Goddess. Such an observation all by itself is a declaration that "being a Goddess" had started imposing limits. The term had moved from being an acknowledgement of the freedom to be controlling into a limitation on future states.
There is even more to it than the terms used. Surrender and dominance provides a fertile ground for abuse of power. For a while, the dominance thing was growing and we did hit some spots where we realized that we had gone go far. I don't mean that we crossed a line such as that about our sexuality, I mean that something was done that we later think should have been done differently. Power terms like mistress and goddess encourage extreme behaviors. I think that if Hypnotist X were to list any moments she regretted over the 5 months of our interactions, all of the top ones would be associated with some strong assertion of power. It has been tried on, and it was a fun outfit for a while, but it is not really her style.
So will I miss it? I don't know and I'll find out in time. I never thought the terms or the stronger power assertions were essential for either of us and doing them was a form of mutual experiment and if you scroll down in to the yellow shaded parts of the blog you will see that we had a 3 month history of satisfying interactions before the 2 months of mistressy stuff. Also, I may well still be having that sort of interaction with some of the others, or maybe not. I'm very flexible in what satisfies me.
I think we may well be still often beyond Nirvana, but in "Beyond Nirvana" I mentioned that Nirvana was a state onto which any number of directions might be superimposed. Only one of these directions is the Mistress/Goddessy stuff. I get the feeling that there are a huge number of other directions to try.
So what will I call her now? In the blog, I will refer to her as Hypnotist X, a term I used earlier in this blog. In real life, it gets interesting. I will at her request be referring to her by a variant of her first name that she dislikes, one that she associates with some bad feelings from childhood. So why will we be using this worst of her name variants? We are using it because she wants to make it not be bad, that hearing it from me, especially in the tones I use in trance, will reset those bad associations.
I do not know if this will affect what terms I use with the other hypnotists. I have always given each hypnotist their choice of names. There is considerable interaction among us, however, and what happens with one pairing can effect another pairing. I don't worry about it because the label is just a label, and if they all chose something else, that will by itself be interesting. I did have to chuckle a bit at the thought that now B can assert that she is a Goddess and X is not.
I will confess that when this discussion with her started that I feared that it was going to be some sort of rejection, perhaps her closing the door to our sort of interactions or to me. It is not that at all. She is still my provider and gatekeeper of all things hypnotic, and she still intends to honor her promise that I'll never be without hypnofun again. She is still interested in establishing deep hypnosis and surrender and guiding for a while. It will not be influenced (restricted) by these Mistress terms and the expectations they brought with them, and our interactions will probably be more gentle and loving in nature, better matching her nature.
Bye-bye Goddess X and bye-bye Mistress X. Welcome back Hypnotist X.
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