Surrendering to Love and Comfort
4/25/2005
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This session with Goddess Mistress X was quite different. Basically, she put me under deeply under, got me into a surrendered and a fairly passive state, and gave me a period of unconditional love, caring and acceptance. This is basically from a theory that I missed out of nurturing while growing up, that I missed out on being taken care of, and that this may be behind what I seek in surrender.
She may be right. I was not mistreated, but I did have to take care of many things other children did not. Mine is by no means the worst story, many children have much worse, but it was not ideal. I was saving and budgeting earnings and allowance and shopping unattended for clothes by age 8, including travel to the cheap places downtown, always working, and always independent. I had roof and food, but not much in the way of emotional comfort. My spouse found me fiercely independent – I did not even like being waited on in restaurants when I left collage. I’ve never taken a loan except for my residence, and I’ve never not paid each credit card in full each month. I am generious in helping others, but I do not let myself get into a position of needing help and do not accept help easily. Maybe the surrender is a return to a simpler time I did not have much of.
Maybe. I doubt that it is as simple as that, but maybe. I also would not assert that should this be true to some degree for me that it would be true for others. (Blog readers, I’d love to know if it applies to you and how.)
Even if it were so, it is not clear if the gap can be filled, or if it is insatiable. It is also not clear if I’d want to let go of this fetish, it is an old friend, and what might take its place?
Event log:
My going through the doors were a surrender
Sat in her session chair, taken deeper into surrender
Opened eyes, saw face of goddess mistress, face of person I trust, who can guide me
Spent a fair amount of time with my eyes opened
She pulled out a magic wand that when it touched me relax, comforted
Eventually moved to table and the projection and touches of love and comfort continued.
The odd part about it is that I was in a fully surrendered state, I was in her control, “gone, gone, gone," and then some. So what is her nefarious plan once I’m there? It is to give feelings of me love and comfort. That, my readers, is a light mistress! Probably too light for many, but remember that she and I have been working together for what seems like ages and we do explore some edges of the interaction, and these edges include the light and therapeutic side as well as more assertive sides.
At some point I hit a saturation point, where I needed to do something else. I think I verbalized this as being ready for zombification – that mindless non-emotional mechanically obedient state I’ve been in before. This would have been the counter-balance to what I was getting and would have let the saturation feeling disperse.
So am I saying I was saturated with love and comfort? Probably not, but I had been in one hypnotic mode too long and change brings freshness.
To handle the saturation thing she did some basic arm and leg movement commands, and we both got a good laugh at just how limp and falling the limbs were on command, instant change to no muscle tone whatsoever. I don’t know how to make myself that limp, but she does.
We then went back to more comfort transfer.
Some discussion of upcoming family events.
============================
So what is the effect of all of this, of this session and all of this hypnotic surrender and domination involvement?
I do know one thing. I’ve been getting an unbelievably HEAPING helping of hypno fun for the last three weeks, multiple mistresses and somebody doing something just about every day, and I had what would be for many a envious amount – every week, then sometimes twice a week, and then more.
So what happens when you get all of the hypnofun you can stand? (Can you imaging having all the hyponofun you can stand? I never could have but not I do not have to imagine it.) I still enjoy the time under, I really enjoy the time, but I am not subject to that dieing of thirst desperation that can lead to making bad choices and messing things up.
I am definitely getting helped. Besides the relief from this monkey on my back, I am getting reports of looking younger and happier.
She may be right. I was not mistreated, but I did have to take care of many things other children did not. Mine is by no means the worst story, many children have much worse, but it was not ideal. I was saving and budgeting earnings and allowance and shopping unattended for clothes by age 8, including travel to the cheap places downtown, always working, and always independent. I had roof and food, but not much in the way of emotional comfort. My spouse found me fiercely independent – I did not even like being waited on in restaurants when I left collage. I’ve never taken a loan except for my residence, and I’ve never not paid each credit card in full each month. I am generious in helping others, but I do not let myself get into a position of needing help and do not accept help easily. Maybe the surrender is a return to a simpler time I did not have much of.
Maybe. I doubt that it is as simple as that, but maybe. I also would not assert that should this be true to some degree for me that it would be true for others. (Blog readers, I’d love to know if it applies to you and how.)
Even if it were so, it is not clear if the gap can be filled, or if it is insatiable. It is also not clear if I’d want to let go of this fetish, it is an old friend, and what might take its place?
Event log:
My going through the doors were a surrender
Sat in her session chair, taken deeper into surrender
Opened eyes, saw face of goddess mistress, face of person I trust, who can guide me
Spent a fair amount of time with my eyes opened
She pulled out a magic wand that when it touched me relax, comforted
Eventually moved to table and the projection and touches of love and comfort continued.
The odd part about it is that I was in a fully surrendered state, I was in her control, “gone, gone, gone," and then some. So what is her nefarious plan once I’m there? It is to give feelings of me love and comfort. That, my readers, is a light mistress! Probably too light for many, but remember that she and I have been working together for what seems like ages and we do explore some edges of the interaction, and these edges include the light and therapeutic side as well as more assertive sides.
At some point I hit a saturation point, where I needed to do something else. I think I verbalized this as being ready for zombification – that mindless non-emotional mechanically obedient state I’ve been in before. This would have been the counter-balance to what I was getting and would have let the saturation feeling disperse.
So am I saying I was saturated with love and comfort? Probably not, but I had been in one hypnotic mode too long and change brings freshness.
To handle the saturation thing she did some basic arm and leg movement commands, and we both got a good laugh at just how limp and falling the limbs were on command, instant change to no muscle tone whatsoever. I don’t know how to make myself that limp, but she does.
We then went back to more comfort transfer.
Some discussion of upcoming family events.
============================
So what is the effect of all of this, of this session and all of this hypnotic surrender and domination involvement?
I do know one thing. I’ve been getting an unbelievably HEAPING helping of hypno fun for the last three weeks, multiple mistresses and somebody doing something just about every day, and I had what would be for many a envious amount – every week, then sometimes twice a week, and then more.
So what happens when you get all of the hypnofun you can stand? (Can you imaging having all the hyponofun you can stand? I never could have but not I do not have to imagine it.) I still enjoy the time under, I really enjoy the time, but I am not subject to that dieing of thirst desperation that can lead to making bad choices and messing things up.
I am definitely getting helped. Besides the relief from this monkey on my back, I am getting reports of looking younger and happier.
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