Sleepwaking, I think
4/24/2005
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(This is a log of last week's session with Goddess B)
Hit me with a trigger (not sure which) in mid conversation. Went from talking to responding in seconds. Undressed and went under the sheet.
This log is being made nearly a week later. I had made a few quick notes after the session, but I’ve lost these. As a result, the log is of impressions rather than sequence of events. The session followed our usual pattern of me being passive on the table while being massage and taken deeper alternating with me being active following her commands.
Some dreaming of a woodsy scene and keeping me there. She is getting more effective at getting me dreaming than has anybody else. I found the extended woods stay actually a bit of a problem at first as I’d come from the woods back to her room doing something, and then she’d want me back in the woods. After a while I seemed to adjust to these shifts.
She did not emphasize sleep much this time. She did emphasize being totally under her control, but not her being a goddess (until late in the session).
She did give me a “sleepwalker” trigger where I sit up arms extended and wait for further instructions. I think she used it twice but … I do not remember what I did. I think I did remember once, I sort of remember remembering, but it is lost to me now. I do remember feeling profoundly in her control when my arms were out stretched out there.
I wound that globe. I remember she wanted me to do something when I did it and I remember that I did not understand what it was – I think I just did not hear the words and she did not repeat them. I’m not sure what I did while the music played.
She had me wake up but not look up – I think that if I did awake that I went right back under. She had me talk of my goals and I probably started rambling about wanting to be taken fully under.
At some point she eased into goddess stuff. I don’t think she did much with it except wanting some ego boasting. I remember feeling like I was in the wrong sort of trance to be giving her what she wanted, that I was not able to be articulate in the way she needed. Also, her goddess nature with me is still being established, she needs to help me define it as it relates to her. How does she want me to perceive her? If I knew I probably would.
Toward the end I tried to express that she had permission for “private time”, a time where she could just play and have me do what she wanted and which even I would not remember. I think such time could do wonders for her ego and confidence, and I do trust her, I do not fear that I’ll be harmed during this time, and I’m willing to let go of some memories in trade for the bliss I’ll get and for the pleasure of helping her.
Hit me with a trigger (not sure which) in mid conversation. Went from talking to responding in seconds. Undressed and went under the sheet.
This log is being made nearly a week later. I had made a few quick notes after the session, but I’ve lost these. As a result, the log is of impressions rather than sequence of events. The session followed our usual pattern of me being passive on the table while being massage and taken deeper alternating with me being active following her commands.
Some dreaming of a woodsy scene and keeping me there. She is getting more effective at getting me dreaming than has anybody else. I found the extended woods stay actually a bit of a problem at first as I’d come from the woods back to her room doing something, and then she’d want me back in the woods. After a while I seemed to adjust to these shifts.
She did not emphasize sleep much this time. She did emphasize being totally under her control, but not her being a goddess (until late in the session).
She did give me a “sleepwalker” trigger where I sit up arms extended and wait for further instructions. I think she used it twice but … I do not remember what I did. I think I did remember once, I sort of remember remembering, but it is lost to me now. I do remember feeling profoundly in her control when my arms were out stretched out there.
I wound that globe. I remember she wanted me to do something when I did it and I remember that I did not understand what it was – I think I just did not hear the words and she did not repeat them. I’m not sure what I did while the music played.
She had me wake up but not look up – I think that if I did awake that I went right back under. She had me talk of my goals and I probably started rambling about wanting to be taken fully under.
At some point she eased into goddess stuff. I don’t think she did much with it except wanting some ego boasting. I remember feeling like I was in the wrong sort of trance to be giving her what she wanted, that I was not able to be articulate in the way she needed. Also, her goddess nature with me is still being established, she needs to help me define it as it relates to her. How does she want me to perceive her? If I knew I probably would.
Toward the end I tried to express that she had permission for “private time”, a time where she could just play and have me do what she wanted and which even I would not remember. I think such time could do wonders for her ego and confidence, and I do trust her, I do not fear that I’ll be harmed during this time, and I’m willing to let go of some memories in trade for the bliss I’ll get and for the pleasure of helping her.
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