Flickering Participants
6/08/2005
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Today's in-person session with Goddess N started after about a long business discussion on other issues. She briefly saw my raw session notes for the first time and we chatted briefly about some of the inside jokes the blog entries from our prior session and she commented that it was weird how I seemed to know just when she was laughing and how I seemed to know her in general. (She is only smiling right now.) We briefly discussed if our growing non-hypnosis business relationship would confuse our hypnotic relationship. I was worried about her ability to quickly change modes after such a long business discussion but she assured me that (some things in her life history) makes her quite adept at this and then she proceeded to demonstrate.
Once again she was using her massage table as a spare shelf and we were seated in our usual chairs. She triggered me and directed me to make myself comfortable, to take deep breaths, to go deeper, to start to submit to her. She did an arm limpness lift and drop test on each arm with some deepenings in-between, emphases to totally relax, to listen to her voice, that she was totally in control. She had me do another slow backward count from 100 saying "deeper" in between. Somewhere in the mid 90s the numbers ceased but the "deepers" remained along with variants she suggested and some of which I might have come up with. Things like "deeper and deeper", "surrender", "letting go", and also that I must please her, want to please her, desire to please her. At this point I was pretty much free-associating and also soaking up whatever was being said.
She lifted my left arm and made it rigid and left it there for an indeterminent time while she worked on other things.
The session was filled with eye openings, briefly looking into her eyes and then being directed non-verbally to close them again. It was sort of a form of fractionation and made it easy to transit between modes of trance, but I also suspect that she really likes watching me fade into her control.
At other points in the session she had my foot get stuck to the floor and for me to get stuck to the chair. As she directed me to try to move the foot, I had enough mental ability left to try to judge if I could do it – I could not. The foot felt stuck. I seemed to be sending the commands that would move it, and the muscles seemed to be responding, but the foot did not move. Something beneath my perception was countering my movement impulses but doing it in a way that it felt as if the foot was stuck. Same for the chair later.
She played with my perceptions of her. She had me open my eyes not recognizing her, and not knowing why I was there. I semi-awoke and when asked to explain who she was I filled in that she must be somebody Goddess X sent as she is my gatekeeper of all things hypnotic and has a few more hypnotists standing by that we've put on hold due to my lack of time for more participation. I explained that if Goddess X sent her then I'd trust her and would let go for her. She asked if I would do anything she said and I think I responded affirmatively.
She then cycled me back to eyes closed and suggested that when I next opened my eyes she would be somebody else, somebody I do recognize. I saw her as …, a hypnotist I saw for several years a few years before this blog started. I said her name when asked but Goddess N did not ask for any details.
The next cycle I was to recognize who Goddess N was but not who I was or why I was there. When asked who she was, I gave a split answer. She was both (her real name), a hypnotherapist, and Goddess N, a mistress of relaxation. I wasn't clear for which I had come to see or why.
Another cycle as I was to perceive her as the most beautiful hypnotist I had ever seen, that I would be struck by her beauty and would not know whether to tell her or not. This was a bit of a quandary for me as I make it a practice to not pay too much attention to my hypnotist's attractiveness because I could easily focus on that and be lead into responses and behaviors they would not be comfortable with. However, even as I tried to be more or less normal and polite, I did "check her out" a time or so.
These perception things need some explanation. I do not vividly see my previous hypnotist's hair or face, but I perceive it as being there. It is as if the senses are sending in the signals from reality but my interpretation of them is as if they were the suggested reality.
Another cycle and she was somebody waiting and wanting to be hypnotized. I treated her professionally and with respect asking her if she was ready to proceed and working with her coyness. I used an eye fixation induction and played on her closeness to trance and her knowing what to do. I think she was on the verge of starting to be gone when she shook herself out of it and snapped me back into the chair. She then had me perceive her as somebody who I need to awaken from a trance – maybe there were residual effects she wanted cleared. I think she could really enjoy trancing out more fully in these sessions (she does trance some) and I think parts of her want that. However, on the whole she is not choosing to do so. Even during the counting up it was not clear if she might be getting more into my voice.
She then had me fetch her tea, which I did with no problems and encountering nobody. She followed this with instructions to fetch tea for myself, which required getting a cup from a communal kitchen. In following this directive I had my first point of walking hypnosis decision-making. As I'm walking I am not as obliviously tranced as I need to make navigation and other simple decisions. Well, there was a blockage of a form on the way to getting the cup and I had a real uncomfortable moment when evaluating whether to proceed past it or to not fulfill my instructions. Later in the session she had me write what happened (while still in trance) and here is what I wrote.
"Went to kitchen door, lady on table in loud phone conversation, seemed private. Door closed. Didn't seem right to interject."
Between these events were more of the brief eye openings, staring, and fading back along with receiving instructions to go deeper, to desire to please her, etc
At several different times in the session she directed me to walk around the suite in which her office is located. (It is in a real cluster of several body workers, another hypnotist or two, skin care experts, sports medicine clinics and misc other alternative health offices.) The first time I merely concentrated on not bumping into things and did not notice the mechanisms of walking. The other times I was very aware of the placement of my feet and how relatively wobbly I was, I was placing each foot down carefully before doing the next foot.
She suggested that I would forget English and be able to speak only Japanese. With my eyes open I was unable to express English, but I was also unable to attempt any Japanese. It was after this that she had me write what had happened on the way to the kitchen.
Well, her music CD ended, and I guess that is how she times her sessions, so it was time to wake up. I'm never ready for these, but at least I know I'll get another taste soon.
In post session discussions I noted that she had not cancelled that beautiful hypnotist suggestion and she laughed and said that she liked it. She is also going soon for a refresher course on her state hypnotism skills and she mentioned that her experiences with me will be the basis of her practical demonstration. In the midst of these discussions she threw in a trigger without warning, briefly deepened, and then woke me up. Cool. We also discussed the mutual energy in the room. It seems like if a stranger walked in mid session and got caught in our gazes that they would drop on the spot from the bi-directional hypnotic waves. Of course this is not quite how it works, but that is how it sometimes feels.
Well, sessions with Goddess N are event filled and take longer to blog than to experience and I do like experiencing them. You will be hearing about Goddess N for quite some time. (She is laughing again.)
Once again she was using her massage table as a spare shelf and we were seated in our usual chairs. She triggered me and directed me to make myself comfortable, to take deep breaths, to go deeper, to start to submit to her. She did an arm limpness lift and drop test on each arm with some deepenings in-between, emphases to totally relax, to listen to her voice, that she was totally in control. She had me do another slow backward count from 100 saying "deeper" in between. Somewhere in the mid 90s the numbers ceased but the "deepers" remained along with variants she suggested and some of which I might have come up with. Things like "deeper and deeper", "surrender", "letting go", and also that I must please her, want to please her, desire to please her. At this point I was pretty much free-associating and also soaking up whatever was being said.
She lifted my left arm and made it rigid and left it there for an indeterminent time while she worked on other things.
The session was filled with eye openings, briefly looking into her eyes and then being directed non-verbally to close them again. It was sort of a form of fractionation and made it easy to transit between modes of trance, but I also suspect that she really likes watching me fade into her control.
At other points in the session she had my foot get stuck to the floor and for me to get stuck to the chair. As she directed me to try to move the foot, I had enough mental ability left to try to judge if I could do it – I could not. The foot felt stuck. I seemed to be sending the commands that would move it, and the muscles seemed to be responding, but the foot did not move. Something beneath my perception was countering my movement impulses but doing it in a way that it felt as if the foot was stuck. Same for the chair later.
She played with my perceptions of her. She had me open my eyes not recognizing her, and not knowing why I was there. I semi-awoke and when asked to explain who she was I filled in that she must be somebody Goddess X sent as she is my gatekeeper of all things hypnotic and has a few more hypnotists standing by that we've put on hold due to my lack of time for more participation. I explained that if Goddess X sent her then I'd trust her and would let go for her. She asked if I would do anything she said and I think I responded affirmatively.
She then cycled me back to eyes closed and suggested that when I next opened my eyes she would be somebody else, somebody I do recognize. I saw her as …, a hypnotist I saw for several years a few years before this blog started. I said her name when asked but Goddess N did not ask for any details.
The next cycle I was to recognize who Goddess N was but not who I was or why I was there. When asked who she was, I gave a split answer. She was both (her real name), a hypnotherapist, and Goddess N, a mistress of relaxation. I wasn't clear for which I had come to see or why.
Another cycle as I was to perceive her as the most beautiful hypnotist I had ever seen, that I would be struck by her beauty and would not know whether to tell her or not. This was a bit of a quandary for me as I make it a practice to not pay too much attention to my hypnotist's attractiveness because I could easily focus on that and be lead into responses and behaviors they would not be comfortable with. However, even as I tried to be more or less normal and polite, I did "check her out" a time or so.
These perception things need some explanation. I do not vividly see my previous hypnotist's hair or face, but I perceive it as being there. It is as if the senses are sending in the signals from reality but my interpretation of them is as if they were the suggested reality.
Another cycle and she was somebody waiting and wanting to be hypnotized. I treated her professionally and with respect asking her if she was ready to proceed and working with her coyness. I used an eye fixation induction and played on her closeness to trance and her knowing what to do. I think she was on the verge of starting to be gone when she shook herself out of it and snapped me back into the chair. She then had me perceive her as somebody who I need to awaken from a trance – maybe there were residual effects she wanted cleared. I think she could really enjoy trancing out more fully in these sessions (she does trance some) and I think parts of her want that. However, on the whole she is not choosing to do so. Even during the counting up it was not clear if she might be getting more into my voice.
She then had me fetch her tea, which I did with no problems and encountering nobody. She followed this with instructions to fetch tea for myself, which required getting a cup from a communal kitchen. In following this directive I had my first point of walking hypnosis decision-making. As I'm walking I am not as obliviously tranced as I need to make navigation and other simple decisions. Well, there was a blockage of a form on the way to getting the cup and I had a real uncomfortable moment when evaluating whether to proceed past it or to not fulfill my instructions. Later in the session she had me write what happened (while still in trance) and here is what I wrote.
"Went to kitchen door, lady on table in loud phone conversation, seemed private. Door closed. Didn't seem right to interject."
Between these events were more of the brief eye openings, staring, and fading back along with receiving instructions to go deeper, to desire to please her, etc
At several different times in the session she directed me to walk around the suite in which her office is located. (It is in a real cluster of several body workers, another hypnotist or two, skin care experts, sports medicine clinics and misc other alternative health offices.) The first time I merely concentrated on not bumping into things and did not notice the mechanisms of walking. The other times I was very aware of the placement of my feet and how relatively wobbly I was, I was placing each foot down carefully before doing the next foot.
She suggested that I would forget English and be able to speak only Japanese. With my eyes open I was unable to express English, but I was also unable to attempt any Japanese. It was after this that she had me write what had happened on the way to the kitchen.
Well, her music CD ended, and I guess that is how she times her sessions, so it was time to wake up. I'm never ready for these, but at least I know I'll get another taste soon.
In post session discussions I noted that she had not cancelled that beautiful hypnotist suggestion and she laughed and said that she liked it. She is also going soon for a refresher course on her state hypnotism skills and she mentioned that her experiences with me will be the basis of her practical demonstration. In the midst of these discussions she threw in a trigger without warning, briefly deepened, and then woke me up. Cool. We also discussed the mutual energy in the room. It seems like if a stranger walked in mid session and got caught in our gazes that they would drop on the spot from the bi-directional hypnotic waves. Of course this is not quite how it works, but that is how it sometimes feels.
Well, sessions with Goddess N are event filled and take longer to blog than to experience and I do like experiencing them. You will be hearing about Goddess N for quite some time. (She is laughing again.)
3 Comments:
Dear Submissive One,
I am curious, do you take notes when you leave our sessions?
Perception versus reality, ah....that is the ultimate question regarding hypnosis isn't it. What part of the brain transverses the image we know is there yet we choose to see another image or in the case of negative hallucination we choose to see that the image is not there. Is it that hypnosis feels so good that in order to continue to feel that hypnotic high we choose to see whatever our hypnotist tells us to?
Would you like to know more about your walk?
Your Mistress of Relaxation
The flippant answer is that being hypnotized with you feels so good that I’d chose to do anything you asked.
A more serious answer is that I don’t know how to choose to have my foot be stuck such that it feels like it is stuck or to map new perceptions on top of sensory inputs, so there is something in hypnosis operating at levels beyond what I can chose to control consciously.
Also, I am not chosing, I do not have moments when I evaluate what you are asking and decide if I want to do it or not, so what I might choose if I were choosing is a moot question.
---
What walk? ;->
I did jot a few notes about 2 or 3 hours after the session, sort of like the bullet points you see in my early blog entries before I was writing to share these with my hypnotists and later with the world.
Dear Submissive One,
You were given a posthypnotic suggestion that you would not remember the specifics of the three walks around my office corridors. The first, was going to the left and just walking. The second, was going to the left as if you were in snow. The third, was going to the right as if you were walking in thick mud.
Now, I'm smiling :.)
Now you may remember.
You Mistress of Relaxation