Zombification -- Comments
3/19/2005
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X made one other comment during this phone call, that I might have enjoyed the zombification more if she had been talking to me the whole time.
I would have loved it if she were talking to me the whole time. I get very into listening to her voice and words and it would have been irrelevant if I were helping around the garden or doing other unexpected things.
As it is, I did without question or analysis whatever she told me, and when I asked during this phone call she told me that I had seemed to be zombified, that I was a hypnotic nearly unthinking zombie obedient to her instructions. However I did not seem to carry much relief back from it.
This last session was at one extreme, about a minute of induction followed by about an hour of zombified obedience with essentially no deepenings or hypnotic reminders throughout the process. Her talking to me the whole time would be the other extreme.
In practice, somewhere in between is probably where things would need to be. Deepening/surrender related moments thrown in every 5 minutes or so would go a long way toward changing what I brought back from it.
While I was sort of neutral toward the experience and while I did not like it as well as I have liked some other things, I like the idea that she can and has zombified me so thoroughly and that she did it so easily and quickly. It seems weird, but I'm always asking if I am hypnotized and I'm often wondering how far I've gone and how deeply embedded those reinduction impulses are. Now that I'm awake I do not feel that they are all that strong or that my compliance is assured, but I have to reconcile these feelings with the raw fact that she needed only about a minute to take control of me for an hour having me without question doing things not particularly enjoyable to me and fitting an agenda of hers. In theory I could have asked for some deepenings or hypnotic reinforcements, but I was too far gone to think of these at the time.
Whatever my feelings otherwise, the facts are that I was quickly and easily placed under her total and unquestioned control and I stayed there until she chose to release me.
That's cool.
It is also itself releaving as the awareness that I am hooked can act by itself as a stress releaser, sort of a hypnotic anchor of a different kind.
There is another implication. As I accept that I'm really hooked and controlled at some level it makes it so much easier to go even more deeply into it. If I'm already unable to resist then I'll be even more unable to resist. I may not have carried forward as much immediate bliss/relief from this session as I have from some others, but it and other things have established something possibly more profound. It proves to me, and perhaps also to her, that she has real hypnotic influence over me and can use it as she wishes. This acknowledgement may open new doors.
I would have loved it if she were talking to me the whole time. I get very into listening to her voice and words and it would have been irrelevant if I were helping around the garden or doing other unexpected things.
As it is, I did without question or analysis whatever she told me, and when I asked during this phone call she told me that I had seemed to be zombified, that I was a hypnotic nearly unthinking zombie obedient to her instructions. However I did not seem to carry much relief back from it.
This last session was at one extreme, about a minute of induction followed by about an hour of zombified obedience with essentially no deepenings or hypnotic reminders throughout the process. Her talking to me the whole time would be the other extreme.
In practice, somewhere in between is probably where things would need to be. Deepening/surrender related moments thrown in every 5 minutes or so would go a long way toward changing what I brought back from it.
While I was sort of neutral toward the experience and while I did not like it as well as I have liked some other things, I like the idea that she can and has zombified me so thoroughly and that she did it so easily and quickly. It seems weird, but I'm always asking if I am hypnotized and I'm often wondering how far I've gone and how deeply embedded those reinduction impulses are. Now that I'm awake I do not feel that they are all that strong or that my compliance is assured, but I have to reconcile these feelings with the raw fact that she needed only about a minute to take control of me for an hour having me without question doing things not particularly enjoyable to me and fitting an agenda of hers. In theory I could have asked for some deepenings or hypnotic reinforcements, but I was too far gone to think of these at the time.
Whatever my feelings otherwise, the facts are that I was quickly and easily placed under her total and unquestioned control and I stayed there until she chose to release me.
That's cool.
It is also itself releaving as the awareness that I am hooked can act by itself as a stress releaser, sort of a hypnotic anchor of a different kind.
There is another implication. As I accept that I'm really hooked and controlled at some level it makes it so much easier to go even more deeply into it. If I'm already unable to resist then I'll be even more unable to resist. I may not have carried forward as much immediate bliss/relief from this session as I have from some others, but it and other things have established something possibly more profound. It proves to me, and perhaps also to her, that she has real hypnotic influence over me and can use it as she wishes. This acknowledgement may open new doors.
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