Spillover, Cost, Relationship limits
5/01/2005
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Jack from Australia raised some points in a comment. I've moved the comment in its entirety to here so it can be better seen and discussed.
Well... You have certainly found Nirvana for this fetish. Having just read the entire blog you may safely assume that I share it. You lucky pup!
A couple of issues came up as I read about the deep and complex relationships you've established with your interlocutors, and the degree to which you have some "spillover" into the rest of your life:
You've indicated you are a family man, and you've blogged about late night interactions with N, and about hypnotic responses while in bed. Rhetorically speaking, what is your wife doing while this is happening? Unless you are sleeping separately there MUST be a point at which your wife would become suspicious of your activities. Have you perhaps explained y(our) predilections to her? What do you think would be the effect of her finding out? After all, you have willingly and joyously surrendered your being to the gentle ministrations of X, B and N. Your description of the feelings you have for these ladies of light would almost certainly cause a problem for your wife. And, knowledge of this would equally cause you feelings of guilt. How do you deal with that, if indeed it is an issue for you?
Second, while I understand and agree completely with your views on the "dark" side of BDSM - Hypno- practitioners, and accept completely that your loving X, B and N are NOT in that category, still I've done a quick calculation of the amounts you are spending each week. It seems to be about $300-$500 per week. Is that correct? You are obviously VERY successful if you can afford between $1,000-$2,500 per week to satisfy those needs. Perhaps this is all perfectly well within your ability to pay, but I would be interested to know if you have had any thoughts that you may be becoming obsessive/compulsive, not through the acts or intentions of your dommes, but through your own growing addiction to the experience? I know that if I were lucky enough to have this experience available to me and had the resources to pursue it, I would be equally unrestrained in that pursuit, probably to my financial detriment.
Finally, "the erotic thing". Both you and X have acknowledged that it is or can be a factor in the hypnotic relationship, and have established effective boundaries around it in your relationships with X and B and N, I cannot but reflect that the intensity of your deep submission, the mutual trances that your hypnotists sometimes engage in, the declarations of love (not that kind, you all say) that have resulted, all point to a deep commitment that goes beyond therapy and becomes intensely personal for all of you. I admire your ability to maintain that balance, but suspect that you are kidding yourself about boundaries and limits.
Other that those rather obvious issues, I must say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog. I wish more people were able/willing / attracted to this fetish. More power to you! Keep up the balancing! Kind regards, Jack Australia
Thanks for the comments and serious questions.
Spillover can be a problem but so far little I have done places me at risk here. The most risky has been the Nirvanic Night trances, and they are not at deep or "out of it" as a guided trance, they are more like pleasant dreams. The other hypno-toys have been at my discretion.
I had previous multi-year single person once a week at best hypnomassage experience which I enjoyed greatly. However, I did get caught and it was a mess. I am a great source of stability and support to those around me, and it does not fit into their picture that I could have this other side.
It is not clear that my wife would object to the feelings I've described for these ladies. Most of what I describe is of the surrender, but I am very aware of these ladies as real people and am sometimes quite sensitive and intuitive about their needs. My wife could even feel less threatened by the presence of multiple others as it makes over bonding to one less probable. It is the surrender that would bug her the most.
Regarding the financial burden: I am well compensated, and I do have a limit on involvement (which the Goddesses once checked) that I'm basically at but not over. I'm too financially conservative to let this be to my financial detriment. The past three weeks have been very dense with hypnotic experiences, but it has not always been that way and might not always stay that way.
Re the mutual trances: If they are not at least sometimes in a mutual trance then they are probably not a good hypnotist.
I am at different levels of interpersonal involvement with each of the Mistresses, one is even a lady of mystery. I thoroughly enjoy my experiences with each of them, so interpersonal involvement is not a prerequisite. It is more of an artifact of spending significant time with someone, and spending intense time. The possibility of crossing boundaries is always there, but is also is not. If the boundaries ever were crossed, I think a lot of people might think "well, we knew this was going to happen, these relationships always become inappropriate". If we don't, people might think that it is a matter of time before we will. I don't think we will cross significant boundaries, and we will see how much time must pass before this is clear to others.
Well... You have certainly found Nirvana for this fetish. Having just read the entire blog you may safely assume that I share it. You lucky pup!
A couple of issues came up as I read about the deep and complex relationships you've established with your interlocutors, and the degree to which you have some "spillover" into the rest of your life:
You've indicated you are a family man, and you've blogged about late night interactions with N, and about hypnotic responses while in bed. Rhetorically speaking, what is your wife doing while this is happening? Unless you are sleeping separately there MUST be a point at which your wife would become suspicious of your activities. Have you perhaps explained y(our) predilections to her? What do you think would be the effect of her finding out? After all, you have willingly and joyously surrendered your being to the gentle ministrations of X, B and N. Your description of the feelings you have for these ladies of light would almost certainly cause a problem for your wife. And, knowledge of this would equally cause you feelings of guilt. How do you deal with that, if indeed it is an issue for you?
Second, while I understand and agree completely with your views on the "dark" side of BDSM - Hypno- practitioners, and accept completely that your loving X, B and N are NOT in that category, still I've done a quick calculation of the amounts you are spending each week. It seems to be about $300-$500 per week. Is that correct? You are obviously VERY successful if you can afford between $1,000-$2,500 per week to satisfy those needs. Perhaps this is all perfectly well within your ability to pay, but I would be interested to know if you have had any thoughts that you may be becoming obsessive/compulsive, not through the acts or intentions of your dommes, but through your own growing addiction to the experience? I know that if I were lucky enough to have this experience available to me and had the resources to pursue it, I would be equally unrestrained in that pursuit, probably to my financial detriment.
Finally, "the erotic thing". Both you and X have acknowledged that it is or can be a factor in the hypnotic relationship, and have established effective boundaries around it in your relationships with X and B and N, I cannot but reflect that the intensity of your deep submission, the mutual trances that your hypnotists sometimes engage in, the declarations of love (not that kind, you all say) that have resulted, all point to a deep commitment that goes beyond therapy and becomes intensely personal for all of you. I admire your ability to maintain that balance, but suspect that you are kidding yourself about boundaries and limits.
Other that those rather obvious issues, I must say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog. I wish more people were able/willing / attracted to this fetish. More power to you! Keep up the balancing! Kind regards, Jack Australia
Thanks for the comments and serious questions.
Spillover can be a problem but so far little I have done places me at risk here. The most risky has been the Nirvanic Night trances, and they are not at deep or "out of it" as a guided trance, they are more like pleasant dreams. The other hypno-toys have been at my discretion.
I had previous multi-year single person once a week at best hypnomassage experience which I enjoyed greatly. However, I did get caught and it was a mess. I am a great source of stability and support to those around me, and it does not fit into their picture that I could have this other side.
It is not clear that my wife would object to the feelings I've described for these ladies. Most of what I describe is of the surrender, but I am very aware of these ladies as real people and am sometimes quite sensitive and intuitive about their needs. My wife could even feel less threatened by the presence of multiple others as it makes over bonding to one less probable. It is the surrender that would bug her the most.
Regarding the financial burden: I am well compensated, and I do have a limit on involvement (which the Goddesses once checked) that I'm basically at but not over. I'm too financially conservative to let this be to my financial detriment. The past three weeks have been very dense with hypnotic experiences, but it has not always been that way and might not always stay that way.
Re the mutual trances: If they are not at least sometimes in a mutual trance then they are probably not a good hypnotist.
I am at different levels of interpersonal involvement with each of the Mistresses, one is even a lady of mystery. I thoroughly enjoy my experiences with each of them, so interpersonal involvement is not a prerequisite. It is more of an artifact of spending significant time with someone, and spending intense time. The possibility of crossing boundaries is always there, but is also is not. If the boundaries ever were crossed, I think a lot of people might think "well, we knew this was going to happen, these relationships always become inappropriate". If we don't, people might think that it is a matter of time before we will. I don't think we will cross significant boundaries, and we will see how much time must pass before this is clear to others.
3 Comments:
I too was concerned with the issues pointed out by Jack as I have also read your entire blog chronologically. The growth of your relationships is clear. When you attained the Mistress/ Sub understanding the connection became, as it should, much closer and more rewarding than a purely professional one. It was a milestone for all involved if they are honest about their feelings.
I was worried about you and the sheer volume of trance you were receiving. It seems that your Mistresses are enjoying it more and wanting it more and that is completely understandable. However, the pace seemed to be accelerating and I thought your head might explode ; ) Seriously, I would love to trance daily but yours were coming at you from all angles so I was wondering about disorientation. Also the expense is formidable. There is mutual benefit here and that should be recognized. These are no longer purely professional relationships. They are close personal relationships.
In response to the previous anonymous comment:
The Mistresses are wanting it more. This is new to them and they are enjoying it. I am their first, their learning ground, and their hypnotized plaything. There is mutual benefit, and I would be disappointed if it were otherwise. The acceleration has stopped, however. Goddess X actually has a few more she is ready to introduce to this, but we are waiting because, as you said, my head would explode.
Having multiple Mistresses probably keeps things fresh. When I go back to see Goddess X, for example, it always seems like it has been so long since I last saw her and I'm super ready to experience her influence again. I can't become jaded.
Regarding these being "close personal" relationships. Being surrendered is extremely close and extremely personal, and the hypnotist feels at least some of this also. But this does not necessarily mean that they are close personal relationships in the way you meant. The actual relationships range from one that is partially a close personal one in the way you meant to one that is not at all that way, where we have essentially nothing to do with each other or interest in each other outside of our hypnotized playtime. I enjoy the hypnotized playtime just as much with each, so I think the close and personal relationship aspect is a function of spending time with somebody else, discovering who they are, and finding a bond rather than being inherent in the hypnotic domination and surrender thing. What the hypnosis, its intensity, and the mental syncing that must be established for it to work well does do is accelerate this discovery. You have had a close and personal time, you extended trust and it was not abused, she knows at least one of your biggest secrets, and she has just satisfied a deep itch, so naturally you are more likely to be accepting of bonds than you would with an unknown person with whom you must be cautious. The ice has been broken and a personal relationship might crystallize, but it is not automatic or required.
I am not at all sure how a live in full time hypnotic domination relationship would play out, at least for somebody who is otherwise normally in control. As much as I love surrendering and letting go, I don't know if it would work for me in the complexities of a real-life multi faceted relationship full of issues with kids, money, household chores, etc. Surrendering and letting go in the face of all of this would not be workable. I can surrender fully in part because the relationships are limited.
I am glad that you and Jack read the entire blog chronologically. My stat counters show that those who stay for more than a page or two stay for much more, but I fear that too many focus on the Mistressy stuff in the second part of this blog. I think the second most interesting thing in this blog is how such relationships grew starting from a conventional and orthodox hypnotherapist relationship. I think the most interesting thing in this blog is discovering where this is going. Also interesting are the first hand accounts of hypnosis and how the effects play out and of some of the what is hypnosis and how does it work discussions scattered throughout the postings.
Goddess X comments that it is not cool for my wife to insist that I stop this behavior. As I read this I realize that I'm pretty pissed that I once had to stop a long time hypnotic relationship, and that I had to do it at a time when I really needed it. However, the same factors that made me really need it worked even more to have her need for it to be stopped and if I had not their would have been an explosion of harmful effects to many people. Real live in relationships are complex (which is part of why I don't know if dom/sub would work out for me in one) and you are always trading one thing for another, and ceasing the prior very satisfactory hypnotic relationship was my sacrifice.
I do wish my wife were cool with it, but she is not and probably will never be cool with it. We are excellent together in every other capacity so I'm not considering ending this 20 year thing, but I really do need some of what I get from the hypnotic surrendering, so I end up hiding it. I hide nothing else and I HATE hiding this.
And yet I'm blogging it. That is so weird sometimes. This concentration of hypnotic satisfaction is so off of any of my prior charts that it is sometimes unreal. Last night going to bed I had a flash of "Hey, I'm Deep Trancer, that story is mine!" Sharing my deepest secret is a thrill and a release all in its own.