The Mistress Thing -- Log
3/24/2005
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Had a nice session with X today and one that has left me changed.
She started an induction by grooming her nails – a first. I seem to be able to trance out by anything she does that grabs my attention and she had me focus here. She started using an emery board and that and her hands became my sole attention. I was definitely buzzed when she said something to the effect that the sound any woman makes with one of those will buzz me. I had a flash of a thought that “great, now I’ll be being hypnotized all the time” and another thought that “its true, that sound will buzz me whenever a woman does it”. I doubt that I would buzz out too far, but I suspect that I might find myself wanting to obey when I hear that sound. I wonder if these women will ever know the effect they are having on me, and what they might think of it if they did know? The question might be moot as I don’t think I come across that sound and situation often.
X hit me with the “R” trigger, and not much changed. I was already buzzed, but I did not relax or slump, or anything else. She asked some questions and triggered me again and this time it had its normal powerful effect. Under her questioning I realized that I remembered that B had told me not to go under the first time X used that trigger on me. B told me this when I was very pliably under her control and it seems to have slipped in effectively. There is an “ineffective memory” thing going on here. I probably always remembered B had told me that, but the memory was ineffective and unable to hold my attention or influence my thoughts. It was both there and not there, blocked off from my making use of it.
I am not sure of the deepeners she used but there were some and they lasted for at least a few minutes. I repeated some stuff but it is a blur when I think back on it. I think some of it was related to surrendering, but any more than that is lost to me.
She seemed to move me around a lot. At first she would wake me up and then she had me in a continuous hypnosis where I would cycle in levels of alertness. I remember where these alert periods were, but I do not remember much as to how I got from place to place. I remember remembering – I remember having some memories when first awakened in each place, but the other events in the session seem to have let those memories fade. Also, when she did wake me up I seemed to have only a casual interest in where I was and was, in hindsight, remarkably uncurious about it. I always had something else that occupied me, something to either talk about or look at. I think she rehypnotized me with her earrings (!?) the first time, I don’t remember being rehypnotized after that.
I woke up/became alert in her kitchen chair, living room sofa, dining room chair, and a picture stands out but I don’t know if I was awake. When I woke up on the sofa I had a strong feeling that that Indian lady should have been there – this is probably from X having disappeared her for me there in our second session.
At one point I was standing with my arms feeling light and raised to my side and had a STRONG sense of being hers to command.
Somewhere through out this I started calling her Mistress! I think she suggested it as I’ve never been much of a “Mistress” sort of person, but the more I used it the more natural the term felt.
Back in her studio she played that double induction recording of her variant of my list of what it takes to fully let go. I’ve heard that at least three times now, and I still don’t remember what it says! Everything on it seems familiar, but if asked I’d be remembering my own list and not her variants. Those suggestiones are effective and compelling! This is probably in part because they came from me and thus I'm very likely to be receptive to them. She was pretty silent but said ??? I don’t know what ??? partway through it and I responded with a “Yes, Mistress” and after a bit seemed to be acknowledging each suggestion from the tape with a “Yes, Mistress”. Also at some point I heard that emery board sound and opened my eyes to watch her hands while still continuing to acknowledge the tape.
After she woke me up at the end of the session she asked me something and I replied yes -- and then the Mistress word popped out spontaneously leaving me literally covering my mouth in surprise.
So is she my Mistress? I’m not sure as I’m not sure what a Mistress entails. I have no doubt that she can entrance me at her will, I have no doubt that I am profoundly under her influence when tranced, she has demonstrated that she can quickly take unquestioned control that lasts an hour or more, and she has some capabilities to reach out and influence me electronically. Something is definitely there. She certainly is my female master (mistress) when I'm under, and she is rather special (not in a romantic sense) when I'm awake.
Until recently I was having doubts about the degree to which I was hypnotized. I don’t seem to be doubting that any longer. The next doubt is the level of real control she has over me, and it seems clear that she does have at least some control and at times very deep control. This “Mistress” thing can be an acknowledgement of this ongoing influence and the potential deep and obidient trance that is always a moment away when I’m dealing with her. I don’t seem to be having much choice about it when under, and at least one point did not have a choice about it when awake, but when I am awake and have a choice of calling her Mistress is an acknowledgement of this special bond and influence then I’d be happy to do it.
=====================================
I’ve come out of this session with a sense of intensity and relief. The session was intense, and afterwards I’m bouncing around feeling light and like a weight is gone from my back. Something about this just feels good to me and restores me in ways nothing else does.
She started an induction by grooming her nails – a first. I seem to be able to trance out by anything she does that grabs my attention and she had me focus here. She started using an emery board and that and her hands became my sole attention. I was definitely buzzed when she said something to the effect that the sound any woman makes with one of those will buzz me. I had a flash of a thought that “great, now I’ll be being hypnotized all the time” and another thought that “its true, that sound will buzz me whenever a woman does it”. I doubt that I would buzz out too far, but I suspect that I might find myself wanting to obey when I hear that sound. I wonder if these women will ever know the effect they are having on me, and what they might think of it if they did know? The question might be moot as I don’t think I come across that sound and situation often.
X hit me with the “R” trigger, and not much changed. I was already buzzed, but I did not relax or slump, or anything else. She asked some questions and triggered me again and this time it had its normal powerful effect. Under her questioning I realized that I remembered that B had told me not to go under the first time X used that trigger on me. B told me this when I was very pliably under her control and it seems to have slipped in effectively. There is an “ineffective memory” thing going on here. I probably always remembered B had told me that, but the memory was ineffective and unable to hold my attention or influence my thoughts. It was both there and not there, blocked off from my making use of it.
I am not sure of the deepeners she used but there were some and they lasted for at least a few minutes. I repeated some stuff but it is a blur when I think back on it. I think some of it was related to surrendering, but any more than that is lost to me.
She seemed to move me around a lot. At first she would wake me up and then she had me in a continuous hypnosis where I would cycle in levels of alertness. I remember where these alert periods were, but I do not remember much as to how I got from place to place. I remember remembering – I remember having some memories when first awakened in each place, but the other events in the session seem to have let those memories fade. Also, when she did wake me up I seemed to have only a casual interest in where I was and was, in hindsight, remarkably uncurious about it. I always had something else that occupied me, something to either talk about or look at. I think she rehypnotized me with her earrings (!?) the first time, I don’t remember being rehypnotized after that.
I woke up/became alert in her kitchen chair, living room sofa, dining room chair, and a picture stands out but I don’t know if I was awake. When I woke up on the sofa I had a strong feeling that that Indian lady should have been there – this is probably from X having disappeared her for me there in our second session.
At one point I was standing with my arms feeling light and raised to my side and had a STRONG sense of being hers to command.
Somewhere through out this I started calling her Mistress! I think she suggested it as I’ve never been much of a “Mistress” sort of person, but the more I used it the more natural the term felt.
Back in her studio she played that double induction recording of her variant of my list of what it takes to fully let go. I’ve heard that at least three times now, and I still don’t remember what it says! Everything on it seems familiar, but if asked I’d be remembering my own list and not her variants. Those suggestiones are effective and compelling! This is probably in part because they came from me and thus I'm very likely to be receptive to them. She was pretty silent but said ??? I don’t know what ??? partway through it and I responded with a “Yes, Mistress” and after a bit seemed to be acknowledging each suggestion from the tape with a “Yes, Mistress”. Also at some point I heard that emery board sound and opened my eyes to watch her hands while still continuing to acknowledge the tape.
After she woke me up at the end of the session she asked me something and I replied yes -- and then the Mistress word popped out spontaneously leaving me literally covering my mouth in surprise.
So is she my Mistress? I’m not sure as I’m not sure what a Mistress entails. I have no doubt that she can entrance me at her will, I have no doubt that I am profoundly under her influence when tranced, she has demonstrated that she can quickly take unquestioned control that lasts an hour or more, and she has some capabilities to reach out and influence me electronically. Something is definitely there. She certainly is my female master (mistress) when I'm under, and she is rather special (not in a romantic sense) when I'm awake.
Until recently I was having doubts about the degree to which I was hypnotized. I don’t seem to be doubting that any longer. The next doubt is the level of real control she has over me, and it seems clear that she does have at least some control and at times very deep control. This “Mistress” thing can be an acknowledgement of this ongoing influence and the potential deep and obidient trance that is always a moment away when I’m dealing with her. I don’t seem to be having much choice about it when under, and at least one point did not have a choice about it when awake, but when I am awake and have a choice of calling her Mistress is an acknowledgement of this special bond and influence then I’d be happy to do it.
=====================================
I’ve come out of this session with a sense of intensity and relief. The session was intense, and afterwards I’m bouncing around feeling light and like a weight is gone from my back. Something about this just feels good to me and restores me in ways nothing else does.
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