Sharing Secrets -- Log 9

Blogs,

Dog and walk

Discussion re not into it re cookies

Triggered

Once again I was under before I had time to thing about it

It seems that whenever you do it I find that the time is ok.

Relax more (wanted darker room)

Touches

Onto table

Played tape, spoke into other ear

Mostly mimicked the tape at first

Some of her own

Do get in her control, do want to hear her voice, do want to get her communications

I know there were others, but I do not remember them

Similarly, I’ve forgotten most of the suggestions from the tape even though I heard it twice. The tape seemed “new” – I was not remembering the phrases as old familiar ones or remembering what came next in the sequence.

Food analogies

Think of 10 things

At least 3 easily obtained

Hard to follow some of the language

Talk of why I like the surrender

No rejection, intimate, simple

Sit up to talk

The sitting up is probably a good way to keep me engaged and less passive

Look at camera and/or at her, blurry

Some ramblings, indistinct to me

Probably discussions about surrender and motivations

Like most suggestions, I remember the participation, but no specifics of the discussion

Lie down

Asked how it felt when I was given a command

Responded something to the effect that it was something to do

I was thinking of the lie down command, a very simple one, and answered in that context. I do get a feeling of …???… it is hard to describe, but it feels good, maybe “nirvana” is close … when given something compelling to do. Being commanded is being in another’s control in actuality rather than in theory. If I get in the surrendered mood where I’m ready to do whatever I’m told and nothing happens it is sort of like the surrender did not happen. Being given something to do and finding myself doing it is a strong confirmation that I had let go and surrendered to that level.

Need or desire to forget and to look at the camera later

1,2,3 wakeup

less of a rush of memories upon awakening

Normally I do sort of a session catalog just upon awakening, but this time I did not seem to do that. Later by your car you asked if I had been thinking more about the session and, to my surprise, I hadn’t been.

felt seduced

==== post discussions ===

she was surprised at what she had placed on the tape

Triple induction discussion

BDSM alternative –

Hypothesis: What I am looking for is what some bdsm people look for

But without the negative and hurtful aspects

Maybe some of them, or people at the borders, will be drawn

She had considered sexual persona ... but could not go through

She encourages me to find a way to see if my interest appeals to others, to see if there might be a community of those who might benefit as I have but within the same limits and without the meanness of the B.SM world.

One distinction comes to mind between this and what I see of BDSM relationships – when not in trance we deal with each other in a normal fashion whereas the BDSM people seem to want the dom/sub status to be an ongoing thing.

Park with dog

It is interesting that you were headed to XXX lakes, and to the back entrance. The natural place to park for one such entrance is XXX Park which is a bit close to home in a literal sense as I live on that block.

Man nearby, no hypno play.

I’ll be wondering for a long time what you had in mind. Maybe we could do something in ??? or ??? Hills if you wanted to try this again.

Her friend M finds me freaky, mentions that she thinks it is sexual thing

Me – close but not

Some statement that it was ok for it to be sexual, as long as it does not get into sessions

Almost broke lurk in [a Yahoo Group]

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