Pendulumized into Sweet Surrender -- Log 8

Normal font holds my journal of what happened, colored fonts hold inserted discussions about some aspect. You should read just the black text the first time as the black reflect my original event and first impression log while the blue contains later thoughts about those events.

Went to room

Video camera present (later found to be discharged)

Discussion of session with B, where this is going – what are my plans, cost of sessions

Me: Hypnosis first, massage secondary, was ignoring massage when X was in room

Discussion of B’s 3 inductions, 2 unremembered

Discussion of being cold and unable to initiate a response to it

B learned

X not getting much from having B there, different dance and hard to coordinate

I’m uncertain about continuing with B in solo sessions. I’m just not that into massage but am starting to agree with it as a taking care of my body thing. The main obstacle to me would be the logistics of 2 sessions in a week (I’d not choose to drop your session).

Was semi-buzzed. Reacted to hand gestures and other unintentional signals from X

Made comment re might as well be a pendulum

X opened her pendulum box (she has a pendulum box?) and made one for me

Maybe I should pay more attention to the other items in the room. ;->

She seems to make personalized pendulums – this one might take on a special meaning for me.

Discussion of time spent – X and B spend a lot of time on me

Partially from their interests

X likes the emailed logs and the blog

Area of concern is session time management

Last time I was somewhat manic when awakened, was insensitive to end of session comments

Discussion of side effects –headache, if impacting work

Discussion of clothing

I made comment that I knew she was tolerant but uncomfortable

Do I want water comments – some borderline suggestive

Stare at pendulum, waist level (lower than my sitting eye level)

Demonstration of yes/no swings

Strong messages re letting go, surrendering, not planning, compulsively doing everything she says – I felt attention and attitude changes occurring

R trigger, slumped deeply

Several deepenings

X left room to get something (I may have this out of sequence)

Raise head, open eyes, looked at her with blurry eyes – then told to have bleary eyes

Picture taken

More pendulum, this time at shin level

Very strong surrender messages, letting go, obeying her completely and fully, surrendering my will to her

Very strong response from me

At times “donut vision” – a first for me

Like tunnel vision where I saw the pendulum but not her pants behind it

It was floating in its own space

But did see with outer edges of peripheral vision

It was like my central retina area (with the detailed vision) developed tunnel vision, but the peripheral vision didn’t. Strange.

Donut vision effect faded in and out

Don’t know how this pendulum phase ended. Found myself back eyes closed in chair.

Asked if I wanted to be in table

Uncoordinated walk to get there

On table

A few “yes” responses from me in response to questions like “doesn’t it feel good to …”

Tape recorder started, asked to not speak

Was read some variant of things from my “how to let go” list and things of her own

Some things I recognized clearly as my own

Some might have been rephrasings

Some were clearly from X

They all seemed fresh, all seemed interesting, all seemed right

I accepted them all

While I recognized many of them at the time, I’ve forgotten what they were and how they were phrased. All I retain is the feeling of getting them. Hypnotic memory is interesting!

Felt body disappear, reappear, disappear

Was VERY passive

Suggestions re exercise, continue to look younger, quality time with family, inhaling food

FYI: The inhale thing is to be inhaling through my mouth as I raise food to it, inviting lose particles into my windpipe.

Awake

Arms felt heavy, hard to move (went away after sitting up)

Mellow

Post discussion

Was definitely deep, passive

Saw pictures (tiny screen) – boy did that guy look out of it!

X commented that there was not much difference before and after the N trigger

But you basically N’d me with the pendulum induction talk, so the trigger was rather moot by then.

Domination?

Paternal 50ish hypnosis

But one where the decision making is allowed to be suspended

It is some form of domination, but not the same as found in the domination world

How would she advertise to find ones like me and not wanting the other stuff?

If I knew, I would have found those hypnotists already. Searches I’ve tried tend to turn up BDSM folks who occasionally use hypnosis. I have not found a criteria that works for what I seek.

Do you love me?

Me: no, there are boundaries

I love what she does to me, how I feel in the sessions and from the sessions

Discussions re where this is going, basically if I have some undisclosed objective

She trusts until messed over once

Discussion re sharing blogs and the session logs

I would be fascinated to see session logs such as mine. As much as I’ve read I’ve never seen ones like these. The danger is that they might reveal too much or be associatable back to the participants. I’m kind of figuring on using a 1-year rule I’ve applied to some decisions – if a decision is attractive but questionable, see how it looks after 1 year.

General discussion about blogs and communities – but would have run too long

Invited to join her yahoo group, even if just to lurk

I had wanted to give her a place to discuss without me

She said that the reaction to her bringing it up caused her to back away from this in the group

I mentioned that I knew the group name from the emails

Got a “are you stalking” question

Noticing things in electronic text is a core job skill for me.

General Comments

Well, you now have what may be a perfect tape for dual inductions for me. I probably can’t help but to listen attentively to that leaving you with a wide open other ear in which to plant whatever suggestions you have in mind for that week.

Great session for me.

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