Automatic Bird -- Log 4

New format this time. Normal font holds my journal of what happened, colored fonts hold inserted discussions about some aspect. You might want to read just the black text the first time and then go back for the blue as that is how it was written. I’m still writing primarily for myself so the earlier disclosures about incoherency or multiple attempts to capture the same concept still apply.

Journals like this can contain more thoughts and themes than can be discussed in person without consuming more time than there is in the session. I’ll make you a deal. I’ll share the thoughts in the form I journal them and you can use, ignore, or discard as you wish. If there is any of them that I particularly want to discuss I promise to mention them at the start of the session. If there are any that you particularly want to discuss you have a open invitation to discuss them at any time. Otherwise I’ll show up with the understanding that while you may have read the thoughts and might have incorporated insights from them, I’m there for the session and we’ll get started on new experiences.

Meet at door, nobody else was there, walked to room and sat in chair

Discussed group thing. 2 others had replied, one male who wanted to participate.
I extended open offer to have others participate without pre-clearing with me

She commented that I like to be surprised, I affirmed liking at least the possibility of surprise

Discussed domination theme
I do not understand their thread of cruelty.
I can give control only to one that does not want it
Point made that I am still in control
Acknowledge that there are many things I would not do, but by feeling in her control I cease analysis and planning, I just waiting for her to supply me with the next focus or thought

Discussed dog and repeated firm lay down command from the prev session
I was going to do it and hesitated only because I was already laying down
I then figured out that she was referring to laying down in the corner
I then started to move to there. I was not at that time questioning if I should lay down, why she wanted me to lay down, if I preferred the corner over where I was, if the corner had dog hair in it, etc.

At that time such questions would have seemed to be irrelevant.

This raises the question of whether I’ll do anything you say as I was on my way to doing this particular thing. The answer is clearly “no”, I will not do anything you say. We know this both because of our understanding of hypnosis and because I have resisted on at least two occasions, once when I thought you wanted me to tell people I know about you and once when I thought you wanted me to leave behind my learnings about people at a-former-employer. Could you have used all of your hypnotic skills to overcome these objections? I don’t know -- my objections to these are not as deeply fundamental to me as something like not hurting somebody and so my protections are not as fundamental. However, the question of “could you” is not relevant because it is overtaken by the question of “would you”. Do I think you ever would use all of your hypnotic skills to overcome something I am resisting that we have not prediscussed? The answer is clear to me, I do not think you would and I do not worry about that possibility.

So, when I am thinking that I’ll do anything you say I’m really thinking that I’ll do anything you, Sharon specifically, are going to chose to say. I’m thinking that I’ll follow each and every of your words because I’m not concerned that those words are going to be to my detriment. The full story of what I would and would not do is complex, possibly inarticulatable, and probably changing from moment to moment, but the full story is not important because you are not testing my boundaries. Simple expressions like “I will follow your words” or “I will be compelled to do each and everything you say willingly and eagerly” resonate with me at a deep level and let me go to a deep level of surrendering to the experience. The expressions are not fully and literally true but they are true within the confines of my hypnotic experience with you. They are some sort of code to parts of me to let go, cease planning, cease anticipating, cease worrying and just go with the flow. There is a distinction between my doing anything you could say and doing anything you would chose to say, but that distinction is implicit and does not need to be articulated.

From her: Expand her horizons, thanks, new possibilities
Nirvana discussed
Why wanted to be under
I was probably speaking quickly, very mentally engaged in explaining when …

** Triggered **– but not with the correct exact phrase

but while I was considering this (very briefly)

some part of me decided that it was close enough

I slumped but the trigger seems to be losing its effectiveness as the wave of letting go and relaxation is not as strong, immediate, or automatic as it has sometimes been.

Felt myself relaxing and slowly slipping deeper, but I was also analyzing what I was doing, how I was feeling, thinking about what she might do next, what I might do next.

It might be nice to reinforce the trigger, possibly reinforcing it every session.

When you want rapid deepening such as when I haven’t been under for awhile, you could try telling me where you want me to mentally be (e.g. deeply under) and ask me to say out loud things that will put myself there. I’d probably converge on some focus / compliance / acceptance / comfort / relaxation mantra like sequence. My having to think of the deepening suggestions and coordinate myself enough to say them would displace most side thoughts and my saying them would give you insight into where I mentally was and could give you opportunities to reinforce the thoughts you chose.

==============================================

Was given key message that it is ok to go under, that it gives pleasure and comfort

I do seem to spend a lot of time trying to figure out why I like the experience and I’m not clear how much of that is for my own understanding and how much is to help others understand. It would be nice to not fret about this and just enjoy the experiences. People routinely do things just because they enjoy them including many destructive things such as drinking, smoking, drugs, gambling, over spending, over eating, excessive partying, unsafe sex, reckless driving, etc. I happen to have a hobby that besides being enjoyable happens to be beneficial both from the relaxation and release and from productive suggestions. With agreement from the hypnotist, I should be able to simply accept it for what it is and immerse myself in the enjoyment, release, and beneficial changes.

When she left room I would transfer to table
She left and I did stand and walk to the table
I pondered briefly if I could or should take off my shoes
Don’t remember if I did or not.

“Try something different”
Sitting up
Cookies
Automatic writing –
Chose veggies

Writing was not fully automatic but was less planned than my normal writing is
Trying to articulate what I was thinking brought in less than automatic awareness
Also, my handwriting is not good and writing has never been natural for me
Reinforce choosing better, but added no packaged goods

Former Company

(Sitting and laying)
Letting go of resentment
…
replacing resentment with sympathy
laying down
suggestion to look at them as when I first knew them and returning to those impressions
I rebelled from this suggestion as I need to retain my leanings of their behaviors
see them fresh

Suggestion that my body was not there.
Felt one with her. Distinction between me and her had disappeared. She and I were both the same and in the room, her voice was choosing what to do

This was an interesting effect, at least while my eyes were closed. If you strive for this effect in the future it might be interesting to change your phrasing once I am there – act like you are my internal thoughts – avoid using “you will” and try “we will” or even “I will”, speaking as though you are me.

Open eyes
I did not focus them. Saw things blurry. Was centered around her hands and paper.
Saw with peripheral vision
Look to body. Saw legs and arms. Not disappeared
Opened eyes at one point and saw her eyes, was told that I hadn’t been told to open my eyes and they shut again.

I don’t think I’ve made much eye contact with you while under. This time, for example, I was seeing your eyes in the same unfocussed way I was seeing your hands, and I was not registering them as anything significant.

Told to go profoundly deeper than before
I did but didn’t. I need to know that it was ok to let go that far.
Verge but then pulled back
I started to go, realized I’d be feeling profoundly obedient and probably rambling about it and feeling that this would seem inappropriate to her
I have to know each time that it is ok to let go
Deeper and in her influence are synonyms
That feeling of compulsion or obedience seems to be a first step. It is intense and then fades but it seems to be a prerequisite to the deeper states

Raise out of body
Not really feeling all that disconnected for long

Bird
Flash of being with bird on branch, very brief but I “was there” for that moment

This is a first for me

Discussed prior disconnect when on table with the each and every word phrase
She placed me there
Each and every work, person, phone, or written comforts me
Each and every word I am compelled to obey

Asked about phone suggestion, not a relaxing thing

Alert and aware, but still under

Breaths

Discussed alert hypnosis. Use it sometime. I am literal

It would be interesting to see if the alert and aware but not awake state is useful. Am I more articulate than when under but less guarded than when awake? Are you still tapping into and affecting me at deeper levels or does the alertness block that?

Make diary and email

0 Comments: