Silent Cheater
9/07/2005
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Goddess X greeted me with no communication other than a smile and a wave to enter her lair. She uses a lot of non-verbal communication anyway and has given me the Silent Treatment and this silence was as conspicuous as it was then. She pointed to a chair by a computer at a desk in her waiting area and had me sit there. She then directed my attention to a screen with was in screen saver mode and hit a key to cause the screen saver to clear and reveal in huge letters the R trigger phrase.
A trigger is a trigger, I guess, except for when it is messed up in a way so as to be humorous, so I found my eyes closed and myself sinking down into trance. She tapped me and had me look at the screen where she had another trigger phrase. She repeated this cycle a few times with more triggers and deepening phrases and then tapped me and had me stand up and follow her into her studio.
By silent gestures only she had me plug in a water sculpture and pull out a pendulum. She then had me recline back in that soft chair of hers and she started some music. It turned out to be more than just music as it was a Yoga hypnosis thing (given a fancy and nearly unpronounceable name to disguise that it was hypnosis, but it was clearly a progressive relaxation induction). The music was good, but the male speaker was only so-so having both unclear articulation and a poor sense of timing. (Goddess X later related that she had not played that part of the CD before and thought she would have me there when she sampled it.)
Goddess X let it play through but stopped it at a logical point. One thing about silent sessions is that they make the usual blurriness of hypnosis much blurrier. Without speaking, there are no clear transitions and nothing on which to anchor a memory, so the memory is even more an unordered sequence of impressions than it normally is.
(Blog readers: I have probably underemphasized this effect by giving sequential accounts of most sessions. What is not visible is how hard it sometimes is to order my memories into a sensible timeline.)
In the general blur are impressions of looking at the pendulum; holding it; having her tap me to have her look at her hand as she raised it and then lowered it reclosing my eyes in the process (basically fractionalization); and other repeats of things that are common elements of a session. She tried at one point to get me to talk, but I was pleasantly blank and had nothing to say. She tried harder and all I could say was that I was blank and had nothing to say and she let it be left with that.
The waking up was interesting. I was confused as to if she wanted me to stand or to wake up but soon figured that out. However, once awake and thinking again I can express my playful side and I do enjoy teasing the Mistresses when I get the chance. All I did was to stay silent. I looked at her attentively and would try to figure out her intent, but I was going to wait for her to speak first. I think this surprised and somewhat flustered her, enough so that she resorted to writing a note to me asking how I felt. The problem with using handwritten communication with me is immediately obvious to anybody who ever sees my handwriting. We had a small conversation punctuated with many requests from her for me to redo a word or to try to write more legibly. She wrote that she was probably cheating by writing and I agreed as it was language based communication even if it were not carried by sound. She wrote that she missed our communications and I agreed on this as well – she and I have both been busier than earlier in our blogged history and our level of communication is way down. She is my supreme Mistress, but the seduction of the intensity I can direct into my work has a long established place in me.
Finally the big hand was on the 12 and this was the time limit she had set before she would allow herself to talk. With obvious relief she switched to verbal communication. We chatted for another 30 minutes or so and covered among other things my lifestyle pattern of not expressing my needs. It is deeply ingrained in me that I take care of my own needs. I take care of the needs of others as well but I do not normally let myself get into a position where my needs are dependent upon others. I get along well, can sometimes read individuals well, can generally read groups extraordinarily well, work well in teams, am often a change agent and a leader, but am basically generally a loner who does not maintain many relationships and this may be from this fierce independence. I mention this mainly because it may relate to my submissive side where my submissive side is the extreme opposite of this normal state of mine.
A trigger is a trigger, I guess, except for when it is messed up in a way so as to be humorous, so I found my eyes closed and myself sinking down into trance. She tapped me and had me look at the screen where she had another trigger phrase. She repeated this cycle a few times with more triggers and deepening phrases and then tapped me and had me stand up and follow her into her studio.
By silent gestures only she had me plug in a water sculpture and pull out a pendulum. She then had me recline back in that soft chair of hers and she started some music. It turned out to be more than just music as it was a Yoga hypnosis thing (given a fancy and nearly unpronounceable name to disguise that it was hypnosis, but it was clearly a progressive relaxation induction). The music was good, but the male speaker was only so-so having both unclear articulation and a poor sense of timing. (Goddess X later related that she had not played that part of the CD before and thought she would have me there when she sampled it.)
Goddess X let it play through but stopped it at a logical point. One thing about silent sessions is that they make the usual blurriness of hypnosis much blurrier. Without speaking, there are no clear transitions and nothing on which to anchor a memory, so the memory is even more an unordered sequence of impressions than it normally is.
(Blog readers: I have probably underemphasized this effect by giving sequential accounts of most sessions. What is not visible is how hard it sometimes is to order my memories into a sensible timeline.)
In the general blur are impressions of looking at the pendulum; holding it; having her tap me to have her look at her hand as she raised it and then lowered it reclosing my eyes in the process (basically fractionalization); and other repeats of things that are common elements of a session. She tried at one point to get me to talk, but I was pleasantly blank and had nothing to say. She tried harder and all I could say was that I was blank and had nothing to say and she let it be left with that.
The waking up was interesting. I was confused as to if she wanted me to stand or to wake up but soon figured that out. However, once awake and thinking again I can express my playful side and I do enjoy teasing the Mistresses when I get the chance. All I did was to stay silent. I looked at her attentively and would try to figure out her intent, but I was going to wait for her to speak first. I think this surprised and somewhat flustered her, enough so that she resorted to writing a note to me asking how I felt. The problem with using handwritten communication with me is immediately obvious to anybody who ever sees my handwriting. We had a small conversation punctuated with many requests from her for me to redo a word or to try to write more legibly. She wrote that she was probably cheating by writing and I agreed as it was language based communication even if it were not carried by sound. She wrote that she missed our communications and I agreed on this as well – she and I have both been busier than earlier in our blogged history and our level of communication is way down. She is my supreme Mistress, but the seduction of the intensity I can direct into my work has a long established place in me.
Finally the big hand was on the 12 and this was the time limit she had set before she would allow herself to talk. With obvious relief she switched to verbal communication. We chatted for another 30 minutes or so and covered among other things my lifestyle pattern of not expressing my needs. It is deeply ingrained in me that I take care of my own needs. I take care of the needs of others as well but I do not normally let myself get into a position where my needs are dependent upon others. I get along well, can sometimes read individuals well, can generally read groups extraordinarily well, work well in teams, am often a change agent and a leader, but am basically generally a loner who does not maintain many relationships and this may be from this fierce independence. I mention this mainly because it may relate to my submissive side where my submissive side is the extreme opposite of this normal state of mine.
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