Dancing a Forgotten Jig -- Log
3/28/2005
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Had a hypno-massage session withB today. As is becoming usual with her highly fractionated approach I have vague and disorganized memories, but I feel light and energized.
She hit me with the R trigger, not the one she normally uses, while in her atrium. It took me a moment to recognize the trigger but when I did I slipped under. She led me by my hand to the room and gave me instructions that with the removal of each piece of clothing I will go deeper into surrender.
She started with definitive surrender suggestions all the while speaking in her nice voice and working on my back. I blessed out and probably chatted/echoed her suggestions a bit.
She would from time to time use a phrase such as in a moment I am going to give you a command ... Whenever she did this ALL of my attention would go to whatever she was saying.
I found myself awake and sort of stumbling to that butterfly. Touching that butterfly is the only thing I wanted to do. Its funny, if anybody asked you would know that you were doing it because you were hypnotized into doing it, but at the time you don't ask yourself these sort of silly questions, you just do it. I did not even look at B. At some point in this it was lights out again, she must have triggered me.
I think she globe-ed me again, giving me a Funtime trigger to do something with this globe music box I had resolved not to wind. I think there is something in the funtime trigger that does not allow for much contemplation. There is also a shock when I realize that I did what I was not going to do. Between these I get a deep wave of feeling controlled and become very open to commands. I remember being entranced by the music and sort of swaying and rocking back and forth, but she told me afterwards that I danced for her. Did I really?
I found myself awake, super relaxed and feeling light, and staring into her eyes telling her that I was comfortable with what she was doing, that I did not fear being under her control, and that I wanted her to take over completely. Oops, lights out again.
I talked to a sort of sad girl in a picture.
I examined a clock. I remember feeling very confused at the start of this, so I wonder if she had given me a multi-part instruction that I had partially forgotten.
I remember the intervals between the active times, or I remember rembering. What I retain is just feelings and impressions and very few specifics. I know that I am mentally engaged but it is in lockstep with her words and touches. I know that I am at times profoundly limp and loose. I know that I am pretty passive at first and sometimes become more active and chatty near the end, even sometimes asking a question of my own or initiating a thread of conversation. I'm still very deeply under when this happens, I'm just so deep that I can interact this way and still be under. Whatever I might be saying of thinking, as soon as she says something my attention is totally on her and all activities and thoughts are abandoned.
Now for the mistress thing. She had me raise my arms stiffly before me, a posture I associate with hypnosis, probably because of all of those hypno-coin ads in the comic books. I've had "mistress on the brain" since X took me there, and a "Yes Mistress" blurted out during this time. B questioned me as to who my mistress was, it was X, and as to if I could have two mistresses, which I could. Somehow over the course of rambling and interrupted discussions over 10 or 15 minutes it ended up that she wants to be a Mistress (in the sense of a female master, not that of a romance or sex) in control of me, and I want her to be this sort of Mistress. I think I pushed as much as B pulled, or more, to get this hypnotically compulsive understanding.
I do want B to have this power. It is fun for me, it is very relieving, I trust that B will bring me back safe even if she takes me out of my box for a while, I like being taken out of my box, and . . .
I think B needs to have this sort of influence, that having and exercising it will build her confidence and self-esteem. I plan to encourage her to take this control as a gift from me and to have fun with it knowing that it is ok with me, that I am comfortable with it even if I do dance forgotten jigs, and that I have a blast doing it. I will gladly and freely place myself as deeply into B's control as I can manage as as she will accept.
She hit me with the R trigger, not the one she normally uses, while in her atrium. It took me a moment to recognize the trigger but when I did I slipped under. She led me by my hand to the room and gave me instructions that with the removal of each piece of clothing I will go deeper into surrender.
She started with definitive surrender suggestions all the while speaking in her nice voice and working on my back. I blessed out and probably chatted/echoed her suggestions a bit.
She would from time to time use a phrase such as in a moment I am going to give you a command ... Whenever she did this ALL of my attention would go to whatever she was saying.
I found myself awake and sort of stumbling to that butterfly. Touching that butterfly is the only thing I wanted to do. Its funny, if anybody asked you would know that you were doing it because you were hypnotized into doing it, but at the time you don't ask yourself these sort of silly questions, you just do it. I did not even look at B. At some point in this it was lights out again, she must have triggered me.
I think she globe-ed me again, giving me a Funtime trigger to do something with this globe music box I had resolved not to wind. I think there is something in the funtime trigger that does not allow for much contemplation. There is also a shock when I realize that I did what I was not going to do. Between these I get a deep wave of feeling controlled and become very open to commands. I remember being entranced by the music and sort of swaying and rocking back and forth, but she told me afterwards that I danced for her. Did I really?
I found myself awake, super relaxed and feeling light, and staring into her eyes telling her that I was comfortable with what she was doing, that I did not fear being under her control, and that I wanted her to take over completely. Oops, lights out again.
I talked to a sort of sad girl in a picture.
I examined a clock. I remember feeling very confused at the start of this, so I wonder if she had given me a multi-part instruction that I had partially forgotten.
I remember the intervals between the active times, or I remember rembering. What I retain is just feelings and impressions and very few specifics. I know that I am mentally engaged but it is in lockstep with her words and touches. I know that I am at times profoundly limp and loose. I know that I am pretty passive at first and sometimes become more active and chatty near the end, even sometimes asking a question of my own or initiating a thread of conversation. I'm still very deeply under when this happens, I'm just so deep that I can interact this way and still be under. Whatever I might be saying of thinking, as soon as she says something my attention is totally on her and all activities and thoughts are abandoned.
Now for the mistress thing. She had me raise my arms stiffly before me, a posture I associate with hypnosis, probably because of all of those hypno-coin ads in the comic books. I've had "mistress on the brain" since X took me there, and a "Yes Mistress" blurted out during this time. B questioned me as to who my mistress was, it was X, and as to if I could have two mistresses, which I could. Somehow over the course of rambling and interrupted discussions over 10 or 15 minutes it ended up that she wants to be a Mistress (in the sense of a female master, not that of a romance or sex) in control of me, and I want her to be this sort of Mistress. I think I pushed as much as B pulled, or more, to get this hypnotically compulsive understanding.
I do want B to have this power. It is fun for me, it is very relieving, I trust that B will bring me back safe even if she takes me out of my box for a while, I like being taken out of my box, and . . .
I think B needs to have this sort of influence, that having and exercising it will build her confidence and self-esteem. I plan to encourage her to take this control as a gift from me and to have fun with it knowing that it is ok with me, that I am comfortable with it even if I do dance forgotten jigs, and that I have a blast doing it. I will gladly and freely place myself as deeply into B's control as I can manage as as she will accept.
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