No Free Hypnolunch
4/07/2005
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With the Mistresses going public, it is probably good to set some basic expectations. Here are some of the things I keep in mind in all of my dealings with these great ladies.
Their motivations are not the same as mine. They may have complimentary and compatible motivations, and they might really get into it, but it is for their own reasons. One obvious difference is that this is a fetish for me and not for them. By fetish I mean that it is something I’ve had “forever” and probably will always have. For them it is at best an acquired taste. I’m stuck with it, they aren’t.
To start to understand this, read the posts on “What does the hypnotist get?”, “The Perfect Mysterious Female Hypnotist”, “Fun for Hypnotherapists!”, “A Very Interesting Kink, Indeed”, “Mistress N's Thoughts”, “A Regular Client”, and “My Delight of Being in Control”. You should see that there is much in this for the femdommes, but that what they get might not fully match what you get.
Respect them. By this I do not mean the use of formal language or titles, I mean bear in mind that you are dealing with a real person, a caring person who likes to help, and one whose feelings can be hurt or who can be easily scared. These are not jaded hurt people, quite the contrary. They may be hiding their real identities for obvious safety reasons, but they are not actresses playing a part, and they justifiably have little tolerance for those that make them uncomfortable.
Pay them. All of my Mistresses are professional therapists who regularly and justifiably get paid for their efforts. I have absolutely no reason to think that they should not be paid just as well for their efforts with me. I am glad that they take delight in the sessions, I love it if they do, but that does not in the slightest change the payment expectation. I hope that they enjoy their work, both with me and with others, because if they didn’t then they are in the wrong profession because therapists really do not earn much financially.
Looking it another way. The only way I might find true unpaid hypnofun would be if I were in a relationship with somebody, and that is not what this is about. Actually, it would probably be hard and possibly unsafe to surrender as fully as I do to somebody you have a “serious other” sort of relationship with because there are just too many things in such a relationship that need negotiation, and “Yes Mistress” would seem to be a tempting end to any discussion. (Mistress X once sent me an email that included the words “End of Discussion” in a hypnotic command. Then she fussed that I had not replied. It did not even occur to me that I had not replied, I guess the discussion had ended for me. That sort of effect could be complex in a complex relationship.) I can surrender fully because it is limited in time, space, and in how it flows over into my normal life.
They might if they are having fun express it in various ways such as fun emails, generosity with their time, flexibility in scheduling, or teasing, but that is up to them. I greatly appreciate any such things, but it does not reduce my insistence on paying.
Regarding paying them, I go with their normal rates for a reliable client. They are trained and experienced therapists and charge accordingly. I get 1:1 time, whether it be in person or not, and that means that I pay the equivalent going rate for their full attention. I could “split the cost” by buying some product that they can sell to more than one person, and such a product might be quite good, but it will never be as personal as 1:1 time and anything pre-produced will not allow for adjustments based on my reactions. For a truly personalized experience, for one that is made to work for me, I need her to be making it to work for me. An analogy is buying clothes off the rack or personally made. If off the rack fits you it is cheaper, personally made will cost more but will fit you better. I buy most of my clothes off the rack, but that is just clothes. My hypnofun is quite personal, and I like the personal fit.
As with other things in life, you decide what works for you and what you can afford and choose accordingly. There is no such thing as a free hypnolunch.
Their motivations are not the same as mine. They may have complimentary and compatible motivations, and they might really get into it, but it is for their own reasons. One obvious difference is that this is a fetish for me and not for them. By fetish I mean that it is something I’ve had “forever” and probably will always have. For them it is at best an acquired taste. I’m stuck with it, they aren’t.
To start to understand this, read the posts on “What does the hypnotist get?”, “The Perfect Mysterious Female Hypnotist”, “Fun for Hypnotherapists!”, “A Very Interesting Kink, Indeed”, “Mistress N's Thoughts”, “A Regular Client”, and “My Delight of Being in Control”. You should see that there is much in this for the femdommes, but that what they get might not fully match what you get.
Respect them. By this I do not mean the use of formal language or titles, I mean bear in mind that you are dealing with a real person, a caring person who likes to help, and one whose feelings can be hurt or who can be easily scared. These are not jaded hurt people, quite the contrary. They may be hiding their real identities for obvious safety reasons, but they are not actresses playing a part, and they justifiably have little tolerance for those that make them uncomfortable.
Pay them. All of my Mistresses are professional therapists who regularly and justifiably get paid for their efforts. I have absolutely no reason to think that they should not be paid just as well for their efforts with me. I am glad that they take delight in the sessions, I love it if they do, but that does not in the slightest change the payment expectation. I hope that they enjoy their work, both with me and with others, because if they didn’t then they are in the wrong profession because therapists really do not earn much financially.
Looking it another way. The only way I might find true unpaid hypnofun would be if I were in a relationship with somebody, and that is not what this is about. Actually, it would probably be hard and possibly unsafe to surrender as fully as I do to somebody you have a “serious other” sort of relationship with because there are just too many things in such a relationship that need negotiation, and “Yes Mistress” would seem to be a tempting end to any discussion. (Mistress X once sent me an email that included the words “End of Discussion” in a hypnotic command. Then she fussed that I had not replied. It did not even occur to me that I had not replied, I guess the discussion had ended for me. That sort of effect could be complex in a complex relationship.) I can surrender fully because it is limited in time, space, and in how it flows over into my normal life.
They might if they are having fun express it in various ways such as fun emails, generosity with their time, flexibility in scheduling, or teasing, but that is up to them. I greatly appreciate any such things, but it does not reduce my insistence on paying.
Regarding paying them, I go with their normal rates for a reliable client. They are trained and experienced therapists and charge accordingly. I get 1:1 time, whether it be in person or not, and that means that I pay the equivalent going rate for their full attention. I could “split the cost” by buying some product that they can sell to more than one person, and such a product might be quite good, but it will never be as personal as 1:1 time and anything pre-produced will not allow for adjustments based on my reactions. For a truly personalized experience, for one that is made to work for me, I need her to be making it to work for me. An analogy is buying clothes off the rack or personally made. If off the rack fits you it is cheaper, personally made will cost more but will fit you better. I buy most of my clothes off the rack, but that is just clothes. My hypnofun is quite personal, and I like the personal fit.
As with other things in life, you decide what works for you and what you can afford and choose accordingly. There is no such thing as a free hypnolunch.
2 Comments:
I'm not a psychologist but i don't think you are right in saying that a fetish is something you have had forever. I believe fetishes are developed. In fact, I think your Mistresses probably deal with this all the time and understand it well. As hypnotists, I would guess that they are even capable of creating, adjusting or removing fetishes. What treasures these ladies are!
You are probably right about the development of fetish. There may be at best a pre-disposition, but how it gets nurtured is not well understood.
Nature or Nurture, it does seem to be deeply set in many of us.
Do I want it removed? No, it is an old friend. (This would be a good Yahoo poll question.) I do think some people might want it adjusted, to have any self-destructive parts of it redirected to safe expressions.
What a win-win! See a hypnotherapist, get some satisfaction of the fetish craving, and get any harmful parts of it adjusted. You are right that these are probably the perfect ladies to adjust or remove this fetish.
I treasure them!